SHE TOLD IMPORTANT NEWS VIA TEXT MESSAGE!!!!

I want to call attention to a disturbing trend I have noticed amongst one half of the text messaging populous.

We can talk all day about the ways people have allowed text messaging to get out of hand. I hear the complaint especially from women about how guys don’t pick up the phone anymore. They never call, they only text. When they text, their spelling is awful. Back and forth we go, punching keys, touching screens, shortening words in an attempt to express complete thoughts.

Yes indeed, things are out of control. It’s not about how often we text, but how much of our life we want to text away. Texting is cool, but must we text so much? What, if anything at all, is a subject we should never text about? These are serious questions because I have three friends who recently have been sent text messages from women about things that frankly, shouldn’t be discussed over the screens of our cell phones.

The first text message was sent to a friend of mine in the middle of the night; some girl he had hooked up with a couple of times. This was about two weeks after they stopped hooking up somewhat abruptly. He was trying to get a hold of her a couple of times, but to no avail, so he made up his mind to move on. But then comes this text message. The girl asked him via text message if he had any STIs. As my friend tells me, he was half asleep when he got the text, full awake when he read the text. He didn’t even think to respond to her with a text. Instead, he called her back immediately, but the phone rang, then went to voice mail. My boy was recently tested, so he knew his status was clear, but what he really wanted to know is why this woman was texting him so late at night with a question of this magnitude.

He sent her a text backing explaining his recent test and wanting to know why she was asking this question over text. She said people who knew him were saying something different. Again, she said this with a text message. Again, he called her back. Again, she did not pick up. He responded with another text message telling her he had no idea who she was talking about and if she really wanted to talk about it, she needs to call him instead of texting him. She said she would call him the next day or later on in the evening.

My friend told me that’s when he put his phone on silent and went right back to sleep. Not only did he know whoever was saying something about him was telling a lie, but he also knew the situation wasn’t dire because who would ever tell someone they slept with that they got an STI by sending a text message. As my friend said, no doctor’s office sends test results to their patients with a text message that says, “You’re good.” My friend insisted the girl get tested herself, and she obliged. When the test results came back and it was revealed she was good, he told her to never call him or text him again for anything.

Two of my other friends reacted the same way when two women they were dealing with sent them text messages to tell them they were pregnant. Both instances, my friends never responded with a text. They did what I assume most reasonable adults would do, they called the women and told them to explain everything. One of the girls said she actually wasn’t pregnant but thought she might be because she was “late”. He told her to get a pregnancy test and when she and the result was negative he told her to lose his number.

My other friend who had a woman tell him she was pregnant through a text message was a different story. When he called her she said she did get a pregnancy test and it came out positive. She said she went to the doctor and it came out positive. Initially, when my friend told me the news he told me all these details about this woman with whom he only had a one night stand. I told him to calm down and assured him there was no evidence the child was his. He needed to make her take a DNA test because he hadn’t heard from the girl since they last hooked up so there was no telling who else it could be. I also pointed out that all of these tests she said she got were not done with anybody around. She could have been making all of it up just to get his attention. After all, after their tryst she attempted to see him again, but he casually ignored her.

But none of these factors were more telling the woman was making up this whole pregnancy thing up to me more than when he told me how she told him she was pregnant. I asked him, “How did she tell you?” He said, “Text message.”

I nearly threw the phone across the room, but kept it in my hand and told him, “Man, look. She’s not pregnant or she is and she doesn’t quite know it’s yours. Either way, you have nothing to worry about.” My boy, still worried and jarred from the news asked why, to which I said, “If a woman is really pregnant she doesn’t tell you something like that over text message. The news is too important. She would only be so passive aggressive if she was making it up to get attention or wasn’t sure if it was yours.” He said he understood my point, but he would take a wait and see approach. He tried to reach out to her and didn’t hear back from her.

About two weeks later, he sends me a text message, this time a forwarded text message from a number I didn’t recognize. The text message said, “No worries. You’re good.” I called him and asked what that message was about. He said it was from the girl who told him she was pregnant with his child. She sent him a text message to tell him not to worry because as it turns out, she wasn’t pregnant. He told her to lose his number too.

In the magazine business, whenever the same thing happens three times in three different instances, it’s considered a trend and thus deserves a closer look to consider some coverage. I write this post today because of the three different instances I noticed a disturbing pattern of women telling men some important news through a text message instead of a phone call. As we can see, men really aren’t into this phenomenon, and I certainly wouldn’t say all women are suddenly into sending men pregnancy news or STI statuses via text message. At least, I would certainly hope they’re not. Unless of course, it’s acceptable for men to start proposing with text messages that read, “Will U Marry Me?!” But I seriously doubt a woman would ever take me seriously if I asked such a question through a text message.