WHAT SHE SAID....SOME THURSDAY FUNNY.....

My toilet smells horrible. Actually no, the whole fucking bathroom smells bad. And it’s all because of one person in my house. And he’s 4. My son has always been smelly. And he hasn’t been smelly in that normal “someone went poopy” smelly way that every baby is smelly. EJ literally was born, put on tiny socks, and upon first sock change, you could smell the fritos just wafting from his newborn feet. He’s always been sweaty. Summer, fall, winter or spring, EJ’s brow will sweat in the car. If he has on a coat or jacket, he’s going to smell like a small dog when you take it off. I really love my baby boy. I MEAN REALLY… We have had some seriously tough times, as he had colic at birth and so I was ALWAYS with him. Every second, with the kid…but he smells HORRIBLE. It wouldn’t be so bad if he was smelly and maybe a girl. But EJ is a boy. And such a fucking boy too. He likes dirt, and poop. His favorite word right now is diaper. He uses it as a proper noun, adjective, verb…any possible nasty usage of the word, he will use it. And he does gross things. Once he picked up a snake in our backyard…that was dead…and ran at me with it saying “SSSSSSSSSsssssssssSSSssSSSSSSSss”. The twins are obviously newly toilet trained. I mean…not new as in they just stopped wearing pull ups, but I mean new as in…most of the people reading this have been peeing in a toilet for more than a year new. Since EJ started going to the potty, he has used reckless abandon with his stream. I am not a man, but I am told when you pee, as a man, you hold your penis, point and shoot. I attempted to teach this art to the little guy. His father attempted to teach the art of man-peeing to his son as well, but EJ……….he likes to be more cavalier with his urination. He literally pulls down those batman underpants, raises his hands above his head, sticks out his tiny pelvis, and just goes. He pisses FUCKING EVERYWHERE. I mean, most of the time, it arrives in the toilet…but then…sometimes it doesn’t. So some days, when its warm out, I can sit on my bed, and smell the piss in the bathroom. And listen…I mean, I am not a horrible person. I go in the bathroom and I clean. I bought scrubbing bubbles toilet something or the other, where you attach this contraption to the damn toilet, stick a bottle of Scrubbing Bubbles toilet cleaner inside and it shoots all over the toilet after every flush. I have Clorox Cleanup Toilet Bowl Cleaner. I bought two types of toilet bowl wand. But, that only cleans the damn toilet. The issue is that he pisses EVERYWHERE ELSE. I wash my bath mats at least once a week. I have to get on my hands and knees and clean behind the toilet or scrub down the bottom of the sink or the sides of the trash can. AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH SHIT I CLEAN THE LITTLE NIGGLET GOES IN, PEES ON SOMETHING ELSE AND MANAGES TO HAVE MY BATHROOM SMELLING PISSY WITHIN THE NEXT 24 HOURS. I just…I mean, do you beat him? Of course not. War is not the answer. The answer is that positive reinforcement of behaviors shit. But what if you just own an ornery ass boy? I just want my bathroom to not smell like digested apple juice waste daily. HELP ME TOM CRUISE. FROM THE HOTTEST NEW BLOG I HAVE BEEN CHECKING OUT....http://bitchujusmad.com