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February 24, 2011
February 23, 2011
YOUR APPEARANCE AFFECTS YOUR PAYCHECK.....(I TOLD YOU SO)
How successful you become is mostly up to you. Success also depends on how you're perceived by others. Numerous studies have shown looks can impact career advancement.
Some say physical appearance matters even more to employers than a cover letter.
Researchers have found that facial structure, hair color, and weight all can affect our paychecks. We can't help our genes, but some of them may be helping us more than others.
Here are a a list of physical attributes that boost careers
If you're a 6-foot tall male
Men who are at least 6' tall make an average salary of $5,525 more than their shorter, 5'5 counterparts, says Harvard University. Another study polled half of all the Fortune 500 companies about the height of their CEOs. On average, male CEOs were three inches taller than the average man at just under 6'.
If you're a skinny woman New York University sociologist Dalton Conley conducted a study and discovered that a woman's weight negatively impacts her household income and "job prestige." In fact, a 1% increase in body mass results in a 0.6 percentage point decrease in family income.
Another study by Jay Zagorsky titled "Health and Wealth" found that Caucasian women get the most financial slack for higher weight, seeing their wealth drop 12%. In comparison, African-American women who are overweight only see a 7% drop. Men weren't affected.
If you're a woman who's three inches taller than her colleagues
For every three inches taller than average they are, women earn 5 to 8 percent more money than women of average height.
If you're symmetrical
Have one eye that's smaller than the other? It could be costing you some of your paycheck. Symmetry is perhaps the greatest sign of perceived beauty, and people who are attractive make a considerable amount more than everyone else.
If you smile a lot
Rick Wilson of Rice University studied "Fiscal Attraction." He found a correlation between good looks and success. In particular, the better a person looks, the more other people trust them, and trust is a quality most leaders possess. One of his findings also showed that subjects ranked people who were smiling as more trustworthy than people with straight faces.
If you're attractive
Yale's Daniel Hamermesh conducted a study, “Beauty in the Labor Market.” He found that people with above average looks typically received premiums in pay of 5% or more, and that less attractive people "suffered a salary penalty of up to 9%." Hamermesh also writes that attractive men earn 9% more than unattractive men, and attractive women earn 4% more than unattractive women.
But not if you're too attractive
Normally, being pretty is a good thing. It's been proven time and time again that attractive people make more money. Cute babies are held and played with more than others, teachers have higher expectations in the classroom for good-looking children, and hiring decisions are made largely (but often subconsciously) on looks.
One study, Physical Attractiveness Bias In Hiring, shows that beauty can be beastly. When women apply for jobs typically handled by men, they are discriminated against. One of the researchers says, ""In these professions [such as manager of research and development, director of finance, mechanical engineer and construction supervisor], being attractive was highly detrimental to women," said Johnson. This was only the case for women. Extraordinarily attractive men weren't found to be discriminated against.
If you have hair on your head but not on your face
According to The Times, "facial hair has long been considered a potential blight on career advancement." They report the results of a survey: "60% of businessmen without beards or moustaches feel that these features are a bad sign. Some feel that the person can’t be bothered to shave and others that they are hiding something."
63% of men also report that hair loss or balding has negatively affected their careers. US News and World Report discusses how plastic surgery can boost careers, in particular hair implants. "In the corporate world, there's a lot of emphasis on image, and image goes with self-confidence," says Antonio Armani, a Beverly Hills, Calif., cosmetic surgeon who specializes in hair transplants. "I think a lot of people do invest money in improving their looks because they feel this is one way they can go up the corporate ladder."
The American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery also reported that two thirds of its members, both men and women, wanted cosmetic surgery because they wanted to "remain competitive in the workplace."
If you're a woman who wears makeup
According to TheGlassHammer, a website designed for women executives, "there is strong statistical evidence to show that women who wear make-up in business get better jobs and are promoted more quickly." And a survey reported in The Times shows that "64 per cent of directors said that women who wore make-up look more professional and 18 per cent of directors said that women who do not wear make-up “look like they can’t be bothered to make an effort”.
If you dress conservatively
Harvard Business Review writes about how dressing professionally and conservatively can advance careers: "Women, in particular, believed that dressing the part was a vital factor in attaining success: 53% of them felt aspiring female execs needed to toe a very conservative line, avoiding flashy make-up, plunging necklines, too-short or too-tight skirts, and long fingernails — exactly the sort of sartorial no-nos UBS spelled out. "Indeed, half the women surveyed and 37% of the men considered appearance and EP to be intrinsically linked; they understood that if you don't look the part of a leader, you're not likely to be given the role.
Far from imagining that appearance is a personal matter, they perceived that looking well-turned-out engenders self confidence, a trait they considered the bedrock of authentic leaders."
If you have great posture
According to Harvard Business School's study, "Power Posing: Brief Nonverbal Displays Affect Neuroendocrine Levels and Risk Tolerance," sitting in a position that oozes confidence (i.e. legs up on your desk, chest puffed out, or leaning forward) will make people deem you powerful.
Why?
It raises testosterone levels by roughly 20% and lowers the stress hormone cortisol by the same. The reverse is also true. If you slouch, cross your legs, or look weak, it works against you. Sitting powerfully for just two minutes can make a psychological difference.
According to the study, "High-power posers were more likely than low-power posers to focus on rewards— 86.36% took an offered gambling risk (only 13.63% were risk averse). In contrast, only 60% of the low-power posers took the risk (and 40% were risk averse).
Finally, high-power posers reported feeling significantly more “powerful” and “in charge.”
Some say physical appearance matters even more to employers than a cover letter.
Researchers have found that facial structure, hair color, and weight all can affect our paychecks. We can't help our genes, but some of them may be helping us more than others.
Here are a a list of physical attributes that boost careers
If you're a 6-foot tall male
Men who are at least 6' tall make an average salary of $5,525 more than their shorter, 5'5 counterparts, says Harvard University. Another study polled half of all the Fortune 500 companies about the height of their CEOs. On average, male CEOs were three inches taller than the average man at just under 6'.
If you're a skinny woman New York University sociologist Dalton Conley conducted a study and discovered that a woman's weight negatively impacts her household income and "job prestige." In fact, a 1% increase in body mass results in a 0.6 percentage point decrease in family income.
Another study by Jay Zagorsky titled "Health and Wealth" found that Caucasian women get the most financial slack for higher weight, seeing their wealth drop 12%. In comparison, African-American women who are overweight only see a 7% drop. Men weren't affected.
If you're a woman who's three inches taller than her colleagues
For every three inches taller than average they are, women earn 5 to 8 percent more money than women of average height.
If you're symmetrical
Have one eye that's smaller than the other? It could be costing you some of your paycheck. Symmetry is perhaps the greatest sign of perceived beauty, and people who are attractive make a considerable amount more than everyone else.
If you smile a lot
Rick Wilson of Rice University studied "Fiscal Attraction." He found a correlation between good looks and success. In particular, the better a person looks, the more other people trust them, and trust is a quality most leaders possess. One of his findings also showed that subjects ranked people who were smiling as more trustworthy than people with straight faces.
If you're attractive
Yale's Daniel Hamermesh conducted a study, “Beauty in the Labor Market.” He found that people with above average looks typically received premiums in pay of 5% or more, and that less attractive people "suffered a salary penalty of up to 9%." Hamermesh also writes that attractive men earn 9% more than unattractive men, and attractive women earn 4% more than unattractive women.
But not if you're too attractive
Normally, being pretty is a good thing. It's been proven time and time again that attractive people make more money. Cute babies are held and played with more than others, teachers have higher expectations in the classroom for good-looking children, and hiring decisions are made largely (but often subconsciously) on looks.
One study, Physical Attractiveness Bias In Hiring, shows that beauty can be beastly. When women apply for jobs typically handled by men, they are discriminated against. One of the researchers says, ""In these professions [such as manager of research and development, director of finance, mechanical engineer and construction supervisor], being attractive was highly detrimental to women," said Johnson. This was only the case for women. Extraordinarily attractive men weren't found to be discriminated against.
If you have hair on your head but not on your face
According to The Times, "facial hair has long been considered a potential blight on career advancement." They report the results of a survey: "60% of businessmen without beards or moustaches feel that these features are a bad sign. Some feel that the person can’t be bothered to shave and others that they are hiding something."
63% of men also report that hair loss or balding has negatively affected their careers. US News and World Report discusses how plastic surgery can boost careers, in particular hair implants. "In the corporate world, there's a lot of emphasis on image, and image goes with self-confidence," says Antonio Armani, a Beverly Hills, Calif., cosmetic surgeon who specializes in hair transplants. "I think a lot of people do invest money in improving their looks because they feel this is one way they can go up the corporate ladder."
The American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery also reported that two thirds of its members, both men and women, wanted cosmetic surgery because they wanted to "remain competitive in the workplace."
If you're a woman who wears makeup
According to TheGlassHammer, a website designed for women executives, "there is strong statistical evidence to show that women who wear make-up in business get better jobs and are promoted more quickly." And a survey reported in The Times shows that "64 per cent of directors said that women who wore make-up look more professional and 18 per cent of directors said that women who do not wear make-up “look like they can’t be bothered to make an effort”.
If you dress conservatively
Harvard Business Review writes about how dressing professionally and conservatively can advance careers: "Women, in particular, believed that dressing the part was a vital factor in attaining success: 53% of them felt aspiring female execs needed to toe a very conservative line, avoiding flashy make-up, plunging necklines, too-short or too-tight skirts, and long fingernails — exactly the sort of sartorial no-nos UBS spelled out. "Indeed, half the women surveyed and 37% of the men considered appearance and EP to be intrinsically linked; they understood that if you don't look the part of a leader, you're not likely to be given the role.
Far from imagining that appearance is a personal matter, they perceived that looking well-turned-out engenders self confidence, a trait they considered the bedrock of authentic leaders."
If you have great posture
According to Harvard Business School's study, "Power Posing: Brief Nonverbal Displays Affect Neuroendocrine Levels and Risk Tolerance," sitting in a position that oozes confidence (i.e. legs up on your desk, chest puffed out, or leaning forward) will make people deem you powerful.
Why?
It raises testosterone levels by roughly 20% and lowers the stress hormone cortisol by the same. The reverse is also true. If you slouch, cross your legs, or look weak, it works against you. Sitting powerfully for just two minutes can make a psychological difference.
According to the study, "High-power posers were more likely than low-power posers to focus on rewards— 86.36% took an offered gambling risk (only 13.63% were risk averse). In contrast, only 60% of the low-power posers took the risk (and 40% were risk averse).
Finally, high-power posers reported feeling significantly more “powerful” and “in charge.”
February 22, 2011
Tackling a pretty common issue by using comedy and an all-star cast, Tracey E. Edmonds and T.D. Jakes joined forces for Jumping the Broom. The movie deals with a couple who’s families are from different socioeconomic backgrounds, and how they interact when the lovebirds plan their wedding in Martha’s Vineyard.
The film’s impressive line-up features Paula Patton, Laz Alonso, Angela Bassett, Loretta Divine, Mike Epps, Meagan Good, and Romeo Miller, and hits theaters on Mother’s Day, May 6, 2011.
The film’s impressive line-up features Paula Patton, Laz Alonso, Angela Bassett, Loretta Divine, Mike Epps, Meagan Good, and Romeo Miller, and hits theaters on Mother’s Day, May 6, 2011.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT....
WHAT DOES A HOE WHO GETS MARRIED TURN INTO...?
A MARRIED HOE
YOU STILL CAN'T TURN A HOE INTO A HOUSEWIFE....
A MARRIED HOE
YOU STILL CAN'T TURN A HOE INTO A HOUSEWIFE....
"I'LL TAKE YOUR MAN..."
A new study conducted by two social psychologists at Oklahoma State University has proven what many women have been claiming for years. The study contained in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology revealed experimental evidence that single women are particularly drawn to other people’s partners, according to The New York Times. Noting that single women often complain that “all the good men are taken,” the psychologists wondered if “this perception is really based on the fact that taken men are perceived as good.” --BB
Read more: http://www1.essence.com/relationships/men/articles/ill_take_your_man_new_study_sheds_light#ixzz1EhehfciX
Read more: http://www1.essence.com/relationships/men/articles/ill_take_your_man_new_study_sheds_light#ixzz1EhehfciX
February 19, 2011
THE MALE "HOUSEWIVES" OF ATL....FAKE, PHONY PEACHES OF ATL....
Have you noticed that Bravo's The Real Housewives of Atlanta has become more of the Gay Friends of the Atlanta Housewives? These flamboyant man-peaches are not really my type of eye candy I want to see on the show. Now maybe if they showed more of Peter and Apollo then my eyes would be glued to the television. To my surprise I was emailed a video clip of this show called The Life: Atlanta on youtube and I just had to get more info on the show.
February 18, 2011
February 17, 2011
NEWS ON AIDS AND BLACK WOMEN....
Scientists have been trying out different forms of microbicides for some 15 years. Those tests, which were publicly funded for the most part, have failed to stop HIV transmission. But at last summer’s International AIDS Conference, South African researchers unveiled a clear, odorless, flavorless gel form of the HIV-fighting drug tenofovir that women can insert into their vaginas with a plastic applicator. In their multi-year trial of nearly 900 sexually active South African teens and women ages 18 to 40, those who used the gel 12 hours before and after sex reduced their risk of contracting HIV by up to 54 percent. (The gel also reduced participants’ risk of contracting herpes by 51 percent; that’s important because having herpes doubles the risk of contracting HIV.) If a second trial is successful, microbicides could hit the global market as soon as 2014.
That’s a scientific victory that’s been hailed as a potential turning point in the global epidemic, but it will also be of particular importance to black folks in the United States, who make up nearly half of all new HIV infections but only 13 percent of the population. And black women—who are most often infected through sex with men—are 15 times more likely to be diagnosed with HIV than white women. Among AIDS cases in women ages 13 to 24, black women make up a staggering 62 percent. This Monday was National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, which is meant to call attention to these disparities.
This year marks 30 years since this epidemic officially began. During that time, it’s become an increasingly black one for many complicated reasons. As Kai Wright wrote earlier this week, HIV preys upon poverty globally, and poverty rates are remarkably high in black America. So are rates for myriad other preventable health problems—why should we expect HIV to be any different? Studies have long established that black people overall have less access to care than other Americans, and that the care they get is poorer. That poor care echoes through HIV in many ways—less testing so folks don’t know they’re positive and, thus, are less likely to protect their partners; more undiagnosed STDs among young women in particular, which spikes the likelihood of HIV infection.
Then there’s the tipping point theory. HIV, like other infectious diseases, spreads exponentially—in close-knit communities like many black neighborhoods, the more infection that’s out there, the more new infections there will be. And all of that’s before you get to the many social factors that conspire with poverty, incarceration rates and misinformation to fuel the fire.
In short, black America could stand some help from prevention science. Enter, microbicides.
“For 20 plus years, HIV prevention initiatives to address women’s and girls’ distinct vulnerability to HIV has been based on having them be ‘empowered [enough]’ to get their sexual partners to put a condom on a sex organ that is not their own,” says Tracie Gardner, the founder and coordinator of the Women’s Initiative to Stop HIV/AIDS NY at the New York City-based Legal Action Center. “Because this is inherently backwards, we should not be surprised that in 2011 black women and girls bear a disproportionate burden of HIV/AIDS in this country and all over the world.”
Black girls and young women are growing up in an era still defined by misinformation about sex—abstinence-only education alongside a hyper-sexualized media; the AIDS-as-chronic-manageable-disease assumption; the constant drumbeat about the threat of so-called “down low” black men; the related and ever-present cultural obsession with the alleged dearth of eligible black men. In this chaos, an easy-to-use HIV prevention method that doesn’t require sophisticated negotiation and communication skills is critical.
Tarana Burke, who has done in-depth sexuality and self-esteem workshops with African-American girls ages 12 to 18 in Selma, Ala., and Philadelphia, says she would incorporate an effective microbicide into her curriculum if one became available. Her girls, as she calls them, are dealing with an onslaught of adult-sized problems, from familial sexual abuse to physically abusive boyfriends to lack of consistent health care to cripplingly low self-esteem due to colorism. Of particular concern, says Burke, the co-founder of a grassroots girls-centered organization called JustBEInc., are the advances of grown men who “manipulate and exploit” her already-vulnerable girls.
“In my workshops, I’ve had girls who are literally being paid for sex,” says Burke. “I’ll never forget one 14-year-old I taught who admitted that she was meeting up with a 20-year-old man once a week at a hotel. He would pay her cell phone bill, get her nails and hair done, and take her to the Olive Garden; she would have [unprotected] sex with him. That manipulation is too common among the girls I’ve worked with.”
In this kind of situation, it’s easy to imagine how all the efforts in the world to empower a young woman to insist upon condoms wouldn’t get far.
“For too many [black] women, especially those living below the poverty line, the mere act of saying, ‘Look dude, you need to use a condom’ and that actually happening, isn’t a reality,” says Kellee Terrell, an HIV/AIDS activist and the news editor for TheBody.com. “To have this gel that a woman could discreetly inject could give her some sexual autonomy.”
Disproportionate HIV risk isn’t limited to black girls and young women. African American women over 50 are among the fastest growing populations living with HIV and AIDS. And many 50-plus women are also making decisions that make them vulnerable to the virus.
Take Brenda, 64, an HIV-negative Philadelphia retiree who recently became engaged to a truck driver five years her junior. For the first three months of their relationship, he refused sex saying he wanted to wait until marriage. But Brenda insisted. “I got tested before we were intimate to show him that I was clean. It was like, ‘See, I’m free of disease. I don’t have shit. Give me some please,’ ” she jokes. When she and her beau finally had sex, they used condoms.
But while Brenda scheduled an HIV test for her man at a local black AIDS service organization, he never got around to it. Then, once they got engaged, they started having condom-free sex. “I know it sounds foolish, but for me it’s a trust thing,” she admits. “I know the stereotype about truck drivers—that they pay for sex. And I know all about AIDS, but I know that he’s being monogamous and that he’s not wild.”
For women like Brenda, an effective microbicide wouldn’t be a magic bullet. It wouldn’t address the underlying emotional factors or guarantee that she’d stay HIV free. But they would certainly give her another tool to protect herself without suggesting she doesn’t trust her fiancee. And that, says Gardner, is the point here.
“The same way we pushed and won acknowledgment of the drugs that interrupt [mother to child] HIV transmission and the clean syringe to interrupt HIV transmission due to inject drugs, we must prioritize the research on and advocacy of microbicides. To continue the silence on this means that black women and girls don’t matter and that no one cares about them. That is unacceptable to me.”
That’s a scientific victory that’s been hailed as a potential turning point in the global epidemic, but it will also be of particular importance to black folks in the United States, who make up nearly half of all new HIV infections but only 13 percent of the population. And black women—who are most often infected through sex with men—are 15 times more likely to be diagnosed with HIV than white women. Among AIDS cases in women ages 13 to 24, black women make up a staggering 62 percent. This Monday was National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day, which is meant to call attention to these disparities.
This year marks 30 years since this epidemic officially began. During that time, it’s become an increasingly black one for many complicated reasons. As Kai Wright wrote earlier this week, HIV preys upon poverty globally, and poverty rates are remarkably high in black America. So are rates for myriad other preventable health problems—why should we expect HIV to be any different? Studies have long established that black people overall have less access to care than other Americans, and that the care they get is poorer. That poor care echoes through HIV in many ways—less testing so folks don’t know they’re positive and, thus, are less likely to protect their partners; more undiagnosed STDs among young women in particular, which spikes the likelihood of HIV infection.
Then there’s the tipping point theory. HIV, like other infectious diseases, spreads exponentially—in close-knit communities like many black neighborhoods, the more infection that’s out there, the more new infections there will be. And all of that’s before you get to the many social factors that conspire with poverty, incarceration rates and misinformation to fuel the fire.
In short, black America could stand some help from prevention science. Enter, microbicides.
“For 20 plus years, HIV prevention initiatives to address women’s and girls’ distinct vulnerability to HIV has been based on having them be ‘empowered [enough]’ to get their sexual partners to put a condom on a sex organ that is not their own,” says Tracie Gardner, the founder and coordinator of the Women’s Initiative to Stop HIV/AIDS NY at the New York City-based Legal Action Center. “Because this is inherently backwards, we should not be surprised that in 2011 black women and girls bear a disproportionate burden of HIV/AIDS in this country and all over the world.”
Black girls and young women are growing up in an era still defined by misinformation about sex—abstinence-only education alongside a hyper-sexualized media; the AIDS-as-chronic-manageable-disease assumption; the constant drumbeat about the threat of so-called “down low” black men; the related and ever-present cultural obsession with the alleged dearth of eligible black men. In this chaos, an easy-to-use HIV prevention method that doesn’t require sophisticated negotiation and communication skills is critical.
Tarana Burke, who has done in-depth sexuality and self-esteem workshops with African-American girls ages 12 to 18 in Selma, Ala., and Philadelphia, says she would incorporate an effective microbicide into her curriculum if one became available. Her girls, as she calls them, are dealing with an onslaught of adult-sized problems, from familial sexual abuse to physically abusive boyfriends to lack of consistent health care to cripplingly low self-esteem due to colorism. Of particular concern, says Burke, the co-founder of a grassroots girls-centered organization called JustBEInc., are the advances of grown men who “manipulate and exploit” her already-vulnerable girls.
“In my workshops, I’ve had girls who are literally being paid for sex,” says Burke. “I’ll never forget one 14-year-old I taught who admitted that she was meeting up with a 20-year-old man once a week at a hotel. He would pay her cell phone bill, get her nails and hair done, and take her to the Olive Garden; she would have [unprotected] sex with him. That manipulation is too common among the girls I’ve worked with.”
In this kind of situation, it’s easy to imagine how all the efforts in the world to empower a young woman to insist upon condoms wouldn’t get far.
“For too many [black] women, especially those living below the poverty line, the mere act of saying, ‘Look dude, you need to use a condom’ and that actually happening, isn’t a reality,” says Kellee Terrell, an HIV/AIDS activist and the news editor for TheBody.com. “To have this gel that a woman could discreetly inject could give her some sexual autonomy.”
Disproportionate HIV risk isn’t limited to black girls and young women. African American women over 50 are among the fastest growing populations living with HIV and AIDS. And many 50-plus women are also making decisions that make them vulnerable to the virus.
Take Brenda, 64, an HIV-negative Philadelphia retiree who recently became engaged to a truck driver five years her junior. For the first three months of their relationship, he refused sex saying he wanted to wait until marriage. But Brenda insisted. “I got tested before we were intimate to show him that I was clean. It was like, ‘See, I’m free of disease. I don’t have shit. Give me some please,’ ” she jokes. When she and her beau finally had sex, they used condoms.
But while Brenda scheduled an HIV test for her man at a local black AIDS service organization, he never got around to it. Then, once they got engaged, they started having condom-free sex. “I know it sounds foolish, but for me it’s a trust thing,” she admits. “I know the stereotype about truck drivers—that they pay for sex. And I know all about AIDS, but I know that he’s being monogamous and that he’s not wild.”
For women like Brenda, an effective microbicide wouldn’t be a magic bullet. It wouldn’t address the underlying emotional factors or guarantee that she’d stay HIV free. But they would certainly give her another tool to protect herself without suggesting she doesn’t trust her fiancee. And that, says Gardner, is the point here.
“The same way we pushed and won acknowledgment of the drugs that interrupt [mother to child] HIV transmission and the clean syringe to interrupt HIV transmission due to inject drugs, we must prioritize the research on and advocacy of microbicides. To continue the silence on this means that black women and girls don’t matter and that no one cares about them. That is unacceptable to me.”
February 16, 2011
February 13, 2011
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY....AGAIN
Valentine Smile
On Valentine's Day we think of those
Who make our lives worthwhile,
Those gracious, friendly people who
We think of with a smile.
I am fortunate to know you,
That's why I want to say,
To a rare and special person:
Happy Valentine's Day!
By Joanna Fuchs
On Valentine's Day we think of those
Who make our lives worthwhile,
Those gracious, friendly people who
We think of with a smile.
I am fortunate to know you,
That's why I want to say,
To a rare and special person:
Happy Valentine's Day!
By Joanna Fuchs
February 10, 2011
ON BEING DIFFERENT....(FROM UNTILIGETMARRIED.COM)
All women are different. All of them. I have dated a lot of women in my time and never once was one woman just like the previous one. They’re all different. They are different sizes, have different voices, said different things, looked different, acted different, walked different, said my name different.
As a matter of fact, I can honestly say, the only thing that makes women not different from each other, the one thing that makes me say, “This woman is just like the last woman I dated” is the woman who tells me she’s different. Soon as she says that, I automatically put her in this big box of women and on the box it says “SAME”.
To be clear, I know men say it too. “I’m not like those other guys.” As a matter of fact, let me be perfectly honest and say, I said it to a friend of mine the other day when she was asking me for dating advice. I prefaced it by saying, “Look, what I’m going to tell you, it’s not what other guys will tell you. I’m different.”
So there we go, guilty. Any room in the “SAME” box for me?
But I think most men are more aware of how they’re alike too and that’s where I begin to see the differences between men and women. A lot of men will pride themselves on being nothing like the next man, but they definitely will admit some of the things they want are the same things all men want. Even a man who owns cats will admit dog is a man’s best friend.
Women, on the other hand, not so much. They all know diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but I always seem to meet a woman who wants to boast about how she doesn’t want any jewelry. Fine with us men. We appreciate any woman who enjoys the simple things, but I would never fault a woman who asked me for some jewelry for her birthday or Christmas. I don’t care if my woman said she has no need for jewelry in her life, if I bought her jewelry, she needs to act like I bought her some jewelry.
These girls who I meet at the club who like to tell me they don’t usually go to the club, give me a headache. It’s like a person standing over a dead body with a bloody knife in their hand saying they usually don’t kill people. Okay, fine, they usually don’t kill people, but guess what they just did? Exactly. So just because a woman isn’t the type of woman that goes to the club doesn’t mean she needs to stand around looking like she’s at a funeral. That’s not sexy. No man wants to be around the woman who doesn’t like to go to the club at the club. They’ll see her at, I don’t know, maybe a funeral?
I think what this all comes down to is about attitude. A woman who proudly proclaims how unique and different she is understands her actions show such qualities. Every woman who I have ever approached has some quality unique to her, and she didn’t have to tell it to me or show it to me because I saw it on my own and more importantly, I want to discover more of those qualities. I don’t want to be reminded of them all the time.
Women love to call a man out and tell him he can’t treat her a certain way because she’s not like all the other girls he used to date. What they fail to understand is the way he treats a woman is on him, and not necessarily a direct reflection of the woman he’s dating. Ladies don’t need to be concerned with the way he treated the last woman. They don’t even need to bring it up, because it’s water under the bridge. Instead, a woman needs to worry about how a man is treating her. Understand she has with him an opportunity to be treated differently than before because she is with a man who sees her like no other man does. If it turns out she feels differently, thinks her man is just going through the motions and treating her like he treats anyone else, she should combat that by doing something not many women do. Leave. Now that would be different.
As a matter of fact, I can honestly say, the only thing that makes women not different from each other, the one thing that makes me say, “This woman is just like the last woman I dated” is the woman who tells me she’s different. Soon as she says that, I automatically put her in this big box of women and on the box it says “SAME”.
To be clear, I know men say it too. “I’m not like those other guys.” As a matter of fact, let me be perfectly honest and say, I said it to a friend of mine the other day when she was asking me for dating advice. I prefaced it by saying, “Look, what I’m going to tell you, it’s not what other guys will tell you. I’m different.”
So there we go, guilty. Any room in the “SAME” box for me?
But I think most men are more aware of how they’re alike too and that’s where I begin to see the differences between men and women. A lot of men will pride themselves on being nothing like the next man, but they definitely will admit some of the things they want are the same things all men want. Even a man who owns cats will admit dog is a man’s best friend.
Women, on the other hand, not so much. They all know diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but I always seem to meet a woman who wants to boast about how she doesn’t want any jewelry. Fine with us men. We appreciate any woman who enjoys the simple things, but I would never fault a woman who asked me for some jewelry for her birthday or Christmas. I don’t care if my woman said she has no need for jewelry in her life, if I bought her jewelry, she needs to act like I bought her some jewelry.
These girls who I meet at the club who like to tell me they don’t usually go to the club, give me a headache. It’s like a person standing over a dead body with a bloody knife in their hand saying they usually don’t kill people. Okay, fine, they usually don’t kill people, but guess what they just did? Exactly. So just because a woman isn’t the type of woman that goes to the club doesn’t mean she needs to stand around looking like she’s at a funeral. That’s not sexy. No man wants to be around the woman who doesn’t like to go to the club at the club. They’ll see her at, I don’t know, maybe a funeral?
I think what this all comes down to is about attitude. A woman who proudly proclaims how unique and different she is understands her actions show such qualities. Every woman who I have ever approached has some quality unique to her, and she didn’t have to tell it to me or show it to me because I saw it on my own and more importantly, I want to discover more of those qualities. I don’t want to be reminded of them all the time.
Women love to call a man out and tell him he can’t treat her a certain way because she’s not like all the other girls he used to date. What they fail to understand is the way he treats a woman is on him, and not necessarily a direct reflection of the woman he’s dating. Ladies don’t need to be concerned with the way he treated the last woman. They don’t even need to bring it up, because it’s water under the bridge. Instead, a woman needs to worry about how a man is treating her. Understand she has with him an opportunity to be treated differently than before because she is with a man who sees her like no other man does. If it turns out she feels differently, thinks her man is just going through the motions and treating her like he treats anyone else, she should combat that by doing something not many women do. Leave. Now that would be different.
February 9, 2011
THE BEAUTY OF GROWTH AND EVOLUTION....
The beauty of a growth and evolution in relationships mean when I stop holding your hand everywhere we go, you don't trip because you realize when I lay you on top of me when I'm reading a book or when I cook you dinner after I long day at work, that's bigger than holding your hand.
February 8, 2011
SOME GOOD ADVICE....TAKE IT WHERE YOU CAN GET IT....
Only a fool solicits and listens to advice from people who themselves do not make good decisions
1. is a bad judge of character
2. makes bad choices when it comes to their own relationships
3. has never been in a "good" relationship
...
This is in respect to ALL OTHER AREAS OF LIFE, ie, money management, dating, exercise/dieting choices, etc.
1. is a bad judge of character
2. makes bad choices when it comes to their own relationships
3. has never been in a "good" relationship
...
This is in respect to ALL OTHER AREAS OF LIFE, ie, money management, dating, exercise/dieting choices, etc.
REAL MEN ARE NEVER SCARED TO DATE WOMEN WITH CHILDREN....
This will happen to the best of us.
We will meet someone and be swept off our feet by them. The chemistry will be there, the attraction will be there, and everything about the chance encounter will feel right. You will ask for her number, or for some type of contact information so you can stay in touch. She will oblige.
Days later, you will use this contact information to ask her out on a date. She will say yes, but before she does, she has something to tell you. She has a child. She wants you to know that now, before she even says yes to the date. This is not to say her child is an issue or has anything to do with whether or not she accepts your invitation for a date, but before date one even begins, and just in case you two have a fantastic time, she wants you to know she’s single, yes, but she’s also a mother. And now it’s your move.
The move I made was to go out on the date anyway. I was only 20 years old, young and care free enough to not making her having a child be an issue. Her being a mother wasn’t an issue. She was a single mother, but very stable. Her child wasn’t a baby, so years before we met, she made and handled all the adjustments a parent has to make to raising their child on their own.
So we went out on our date. And it was indeed fantastic. Days later we went out on another date. And another date. And another date. All the while, I never rushed or pushed to meet her daughter. I didn’t avoid it either, or refuse to broach the subject. I can honestly say, it never even came up. Not for a while. The only time she brought up the goings on of her daughter was when she was recapping her day, and every once in a while, if we were talking on the phone, I would hear her in the background.
Eventually, after a lot of discussions, I met her daughter. I’d like to say we did it the right way, but I would be lying, which is not to say we did it the wrong way. We just, well, we did it the awkward way.
About four weeks into seeing each other, this woman and I were getting serious with one another and started playing with fire. Whereas in the beginning we only saw each other when her daughter was visiting her father or grandparents, I started coming over after she put her daughter to bed. Late night visits were fine, but they started becoming overnight visits, where we would sleep on the couch and I would leave before her daughter woke up. We took these risks because when two people are in the throes of a promising new relationship, they do some uncomfortable things for just a taste of comfort with one another, like, sleep on a couch all night together in the clothes we wore all day.
So this is what we did for a couple of weeks, until, the early morning I won’t ever forget.
In my lifetime of doing things I perhaps shouldn’t be doing, I have been caught red handed a couple of times. All of those moments were uncomfortable, but none of them compared to being caught sleeping uncomfortably on the couch with this little girl’s mother in the clothes we wore all day. I heard her small voice say, “Mommy” and it startled me. Not in the, “What is that?” sense, because I knew exactly what it was. I knew where I was and who I was with, what time of day it was and who was asking for her mother. The mother woke up just as quickly, hopped off the couch, and rushed her child upstairs.I sat on the couch, thinking heavily, while waiting for my lady friend to come downstairs. After about 15 minutes, she appeared looking nervous, so I self-medicated myself to get the nervous off my face.
“Well, I’m sure that wasn’t part of the plan,” I said.
“No it wasn’t,” she said.
We looked at each other with apologies on our faces, kissed, and then said goodbye.
Later that day, the two of us talked on the phone but not so much about what happened that morning. We talked about what to do next. I told her I was serious about her and so I would be serious about meeting her daughter. Again, I wsa 20-years-old, so the newness of this situation didn’t phase. My lady friend was 28 at the time, so she had been through this maybe once or twice, I don’t know. I never asked. But I could tell she was hesitant and rightfully so. I reassured I wasn’t asking to be a part of her daughter’s life so much as I was asking to be introduced to her daughter. Just an introduction. I knew it would open a can of worms later, but I was only worried about the now of it all. She said she had to think about it, and she took the day to do so.
The next day she called me with dinner plans at her place, and said her daughter would be there. All that care-free attitude I had before about the situation the minute she extended the invitation. I thought I was way in over my head. I have always been awkward around children. I just never felt like I had that thing the people who are good with kids have and I didn’t see this being any different. But I really liked this woman a lot, and I wanted to be with her, so I knew this was a part of the process.
Of all the dinners I have ever went on, I was never more nervous than this one. Still none have compared. I remember giving myself a headache over what to wear and what I would say and how I would present myself. The child was six at the time, but I was acting like she was the most important six year old in the world.
When I arrived, I was greeted at the door by my girl, and then properly introduced to her little girl. IT went smoothly enough, as did dinner. So smoothly in fact, there really isn’t much to recap here. I can just move on to the next part of this story, which was my ex and I ended up staying together for a year and a half.
The relationship was great as was the relationship with her daughter. I never felt like a step-father to the girl, but I was always very aware of the responsibility I had to both of them whenever we stepped out of the house together. I knew if anything bad happened at any given moment, and I was with them, the order of people to be removed from the danger would be woman and child first, then me. That’s how I was raised, and even though I wasn’t raising this little girl, there was a part of me that cared very much what she thought of me. I didn’t know how long her mother and I would be together, but I knew of the time we spent, the three of us, I had an opportunity to show the both of them what a good man looked like.
When the mother and I finally ended things, it wasn’t dramatic, it just had to end for reasons I can’t really recall right now. I do know to this day the mother and I remain friends, albeit distantly. She was a major part of my life and I know I was a major part of hers, though I don’t know if I was a major part of her daughter’s. But when the mother and I talk, I still ask about her, and the mother says she’s doing fine. Occasionally I tell the mother to tell her daughter I said hello and I hear her daughter in the background say hello back.
If there is such a thing as happy endings, I would like to believe this story was one of them. Far too often, those of us who don’t have kids discredit the person who does have kids. We think they’re not right for us, but maybe, we’re not right for them. When I think about the relationship I had with a woman who is a mother, that’s where I made my mistake. I was in over my head at an age where I shouldn’t have been, and coincidentally, it’s the same mistake I made with a lot of women I dated when I was younger. So what’s really the difference between a woman with kids and a woman without kids? I’m sure there is one, but I never saw it. All I saw back then was a woman I liked and doing whatever I needed to do in order to be with her. And if I could do it over again, I most definitely would.
from: http://untiligetmarried.com
We will meet someone and be swept off our feet by them. The chemistry will be there, the attraction will be there, and everything about the chance encounter will feel right. You will ask for her number, or for some type of contact information so you can stay in touch. She will oblige.
Days later, you will use this contact information to ask her out on a date. She will say yes, but before she does, she has something to tell you. She has a child. She wants you to know that now, before she even says yes to the date. This is not to say her child is an issue or has anything to do with whether or not she accepts your invitation for a date, but before date one even begins, and just in case you two have a fantastic time, she wants you to know she’s single, yes, but she’s also a mother. And now it’s your move.
The move I made was to go out on the date anyway. I was only 20 years old, young and care free enough to not making her having a child be an issue. Her being a mother wasn’t an issue. She was a single mother, but very stable. Her child wasn’t a baby, so years before we met, she made and handled all the adjustments a parent has to make to raising their child on their own.
So we went out on our date. And it was indeed fantastic. Days later we went out on another date. And another date. And another date. All the while, I never rushed or pushed to meet her daughter. I didn’t avoid it either, or refuse to broach the subject. I can honestly say, it never even came up. Not for a while. The only time she brought up the goings on of her daughter was when she was recapping her day, and every once in a while, if we were talking on the phone, I would hear her in the background.
Eventually, after a lot of discussions, I met her daughter. I’d like to say we did it the right way, but I would be lying, which is not to say we did it the wrong way. We just, well, we did it the awkward way.
About four weeks into seeing each other, this woman and I were getting serious with one another and started playing with fire. Whereas in the beginning we only saw each other when her daughter was visiting her father or grandparents, I started coming over after she put her daughter to bed. Late night visits were fine, but they started becoming overnight visits, where we would sleep on the couch and I would leave before her daughter woke up. We took these risks because when two people are in the throes of a promising new relationship, they do some uncomfortable things for just a taste of comfort with one another, like, sleep on a couch all night together in the clothes we wore all day.
So this is what we did for a couple of weeks, until, the early morning I won’t ever forget.
In my lifetime of doing things I perhaps shouldn’t be doing, I have been caught red handed a couple of times. All of those moments were uncomfortable, but none of them compared to being caught sleeping uncomfortably on the couch with this little girl’s mother in the clothes we wore all day. I heard her small voice say, “Mommy” and it startled me. Not in the, “What is that?” sense, because I knew exactly what it was. I knew where I was and who I was with, what time of day it was and who was asking for her mother. The mother woke up just as quickly, hopped off the couch, and rushed her child upstairs.I sat on the couch, thinking heavily, while waiting for my lady friend to come downstairs. After about 15 minutes, she appeared looking nervous, so I self-medicated myself to get the nervous off my face.
“Well, I’m sure that wasn’t part of the plan,” I said.
“No it wasn’t,” she said.
We looked at each other with apologies on our faces, kissed, and then said goodbye.
Later that day, the two of us talked on the phone but not so much about what happened that morning. We talked about what to do next. I told her I was serious about her and so I would be serious about meeting her daughter. Again, I wsa 20-years-old, so the newness of this situation didn’t phase. My lady friend was 28 at the time, so she had been through this maybe once or twice, I don’t know. I never asked. But I could tell she was hesitant and rightfully so. I reassured I wasn’t asking to be a part of her daughter’s life so much as I was asking to be introduced to her daughter. Just an introduction. I knew it would open a can of worms later, but I was only worried about the now of it all. She said she had to think about it, and she took the day to do so.
The next day she called me with dinner plans at her place, and said her daughter would be there. All that care-free attitude I had before about the situation the minute she extended the invitation. I thought I was way in over my head. I have always been awkward around children. I just never felt like I had that thing the people who are good with kids have and I didn’t see this being any different. But I really liked this woman a lot, and I wanted to be with her, so I knew this was a part of the process.
Of all the dinners I have ever went on, I was never more nervous than this one. Still none have compared. I remember giving myself a headache over what to wear and what I would say and how I would present myself. The child was six at the time, but I was acting like she was the most important six year old in the world.
When I arrived, I was greeted at the door by my girl, and then properly introduced to her little girl. IT went smoothly enough, as did dinner. So smoothly in fact, there really isn’t much to recap here. I can just move on to the next part of this story, which was my ex and I ended up staying together for a year and a half.
The relationship was great as was the relationship with her daughter. I never felt like a step-father to the girl, but I was always very aware of the responsibility I had to both of them whenever we stepped out of the house together. I knew if anything bad happened at any given moment, and I was with them, the order of people to be removed from the danger would be woman and child first, then me. That’s how I was raised, and even though I wasn’t raising this little girl, there was a part of me that cared very much what she thought of me. I didn’t know how long her mother and I would be together, but I knew of the time we spent, the three of us, I had an opportunity to show the both of them what a good man looked like.
When the mother and I finally ended things, it wasn’t dramatic, it just had to end for reasons I can’t really recall right now. I do know to this day the mother and I remain friends, albeit distantly. She was a major part of my life and I know I was a major part of hers, though I don’t know if I was a major part of her daughter’s. But when the mother and I talk, I still ask about her, and the mother says she’s doing fine. Occasionally I tell the mother to tell her daughter I said hello and I hear her daughter in the background say hello back.
If there is such a thing as happy endings, I would like to believe this story was one of them. Far too often, those of us who don’t have kids discredit the person who does have kids. We think they’re not right for us, but maybe, we’re not right for them. When I think about the relationship I had with a woman who is a mother, that’s where I made my mistake. I was in over my head at an age where I shouldn’t have been, and coincidentally, it’s the same mistake I made with a lot of women I dated when I was younger. So what’s really the difference between a woman with kids and a woman without kids? I’m sure there is one, but I never saw it. All I saw back then was a woman I liked and doing whatever I needed to do in order to be with her. And if I could do it over again, I most definitely would.
from: http://untiligetmarried.com
February 7, 2011
FOOD FOR THOUGHT....
You can love what a person represents to you without loving who the person truly is.
(That's the shit when you wake up one day and realize you don't know the person you are in a relationship with.)
(That's the shit when you wake up one day and realize you don't know the person you are in a relationship with.)
MAN SHOT DEAD AT QUE FRATERNITY PARTY IN OHIO...
Ohio — Two men were arrested Sunday in connection with a shooting that left an Ohio university student dead and 11 other people wounded, police said.
The men, 19 and 22, were arrested without incident and with help from the FBI, Youngstown Police Chief Jimmy Hughes said. Their names were not released.
Neither has yet been charged, but Hughes said police are not looking for any other suspects.
Police said Jamail Johnson, 25, of Girard, Ohio, was killed in the shooting at a house just off the campus of Ohio’s Youngstown State University. He was shot once in the back of the head and several times in the lower body, Dr. Joseph Ohr, a forensic pathologist at the Mahoning County Coroner’s Office, told CNN.
The shooting happened at a house where members of the Omega Psi Phi fraternity were holding a party, Hughes said.
The men, 19 and 22, were arrested without incident and with help from the FBI, Youngstown Police Chief Jimmy Hughes said. Their names were not released.
Neither has yet been charged, but Hughes said police are not looking for any other suspects.
Police said Jamail Johnson, 25, of Girard, Ohio, was killed in the shooting at a house just off the campus of Ohio’s Youngstown State University. He was shot once in the back of the head and several times in the lower body, Dr. Joseph Ohr, a forensic pathologist at the Mahoning County Coroner’s Office, told CNN.
The shooting happened at a house where members of the Omega Psi Phi fraternity were holding a party, Hughes said.
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