I’m sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Black male readers. I am a White female who is engaged to a Black male-good-looking, educated and loving. I just don’t understand a lot of Black female’s attitudes about…
… our relationship. My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Black women were slim to none. As he said, they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage. Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Black men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world. If Black women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don’t they look at themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we’re out in public. I would like to hear from some Black men about why we are so appealing and coveted by them. Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us, Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley Snipes… I could go on and on. But, right now, I’m a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don’t be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I’m wrong, Black men, let me know.
Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA
Now peep this intelligent brother’s response…
I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl. Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old black man. I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta, Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful black men. I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why black men date white women. Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why black men dated white women was because they were considered easy.
The black girls in my neighborhood were raised in the church. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls. Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of brothers date white women because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of black men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our black women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses. Because of this fear, many black men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control. I have talked to numerous black men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their white women. I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful black men date white women.
Brothers like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth “Babyface” Edmonds, Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong black women And, to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spotlight, who openly or secretly desire black women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie to name a few.
I just don’t want a disgusted white girl to be misinformed. Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess. Remember, when black Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt,
you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs. Read your history! It was the black woman that taught you how to cook and season your food. It was the black woman that taught you how to raise your children. It was black women who were breast feeding and raising your babies during slavery.
It is the black woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail. Black women were born with two strikes against them: being black and being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise! It is because of the black women’s strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could never date anyone except my black Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and shades that I love them. Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about black women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with black women.
I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy more so than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to tanning salons to darken your skin? If you are so proud to be white, then why don’t you just be happy with your pale skin? Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous?
I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the black woman has. BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my children. Someone who can be my best friend and understands my struggles. I am looking for a soul mate. I am looking for a sister and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill.
No offense taken, none given.
Signed, Black Royalty
The perspective of a Bi-Sexual Black Man Based In Atlanta with International Exposure...Well Traveled and Well Read View My Likes, Dislikes, and Loves... You can Love It Or Hate It...
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2 comments:
I know this is old, but it showed up on Google and I read it. I am a white girl currently attending college in the one of the five boroughs of New York and I personally disagree with both of your conclusions on why black men date white women. I prefer black men to white men myself, but that's sort of irrelevant. I think the white girl from VA is ignorant to say that black women have some disadvantage to white women, but I also think you are wrong to assume white women are trying to be black. I know plenty of white girls with curves, myself being one of them. I grew up in a very racially diverse area right outside of New York and my curly hair and my 40+ hips fooled a lot of black girls and guys into thinking I was mixed, which I'm not. My point is, that people go after what they are attracted to, to make any other generalization would be unfounded because some white women are submissive, some are possessive, some black women are submissive, some are possessive, and to say that either race is more likely to be one of those would be audacious. Depending on the area a person is raised and the culture in which there family bases its values makes the person, not their skin color. So if a black man is generally attracted to white women it is because physically he finds them more appealing, the same way some men just prefer brunettes. Letting race define a person’s personality is exactly why there are prejudices against certain races. People always talk about how black women hate white women because they're "stealing all the decent black men," but I think that is a feeble way of looking at the situation because that assumes that there aren't many decent black men. Making the issue a personal attack is unfair. White women who date black men are not doing so to spite black women. I have a lot of girl friends who are black and none of them are bothered by interracial dating so I understand that this concept is not always an issue...
On another note, the reason I was on Google might be something you could help me to figure out. Like I said I am now attending college in one of the boroughs and I am seeing a student here who is originally from a different borough. An issue I'm running into is pretty much the reverse of what you typically hear about when you bring up interracial dating. I think he is afraid to date a white girl. We have been talking for about 3 months and he has made it clear to me that he does like me, but I am the first white girl he has ever talked to and he has made a few comments that are making me nervous that he's ashamed of me. I've dated black guys before and none of them were ever afraid to make it official or to bring me home, and vice versa, but it seems to me that he feels like he’s not allowed to date a white girl because of what other people would say. I'm not so sure his parents would be bothered, because I know his mother knows that I at least exist. I don't know if she knows I'm white but I feel like he wouldn't have bothered to say anything about me at all to her if he felt like she would be bothered if she eventually found out I was white. I think what he's afraid of is his friends. I haven't had the opportunity to talk to him about it much because he usually denies having any issues with my race, yet he constantly brings up the fact that I'm a white girl. I don't see why people have such an issue with interracial dating. The fact that people act like white women are stealing decent black men or that black men are stealing all the pretty white girls adds a stigma to the issue. I feel like he’s ashamed of me because he knows other people will react to us that way. My mom is from his borough as well and she told me that the people there don't generally date outside of their neighborhoods, so I understand it’s probably hard for him to get past something he’s been used to all of his life, but I’m afraid he’ll never get past it. I know I haven’t really asked a question here, but I would appreciate your opinion on the situation.
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