Sidebar: ladies, while presenting approachable body language is a must, don’t be shy or too proud to strike up conversation with a man. It’s safe to say that the days of men being the default pursuer are long gone. So be a charmer and flirt, flirt, flirt!
Networking Events - you know those flyers you see on the bulletins in the office lounge area or email blasts that encourage you to socialize with other people within the same industry to “network?” Make a point to show your face at these gatherings once or twice a month. Conversation is all but effortless because of occupational similarities.
Airports - if you’re someone who travels a lot, whether it’s leisure or business, an airport is a great place to meet people. Since, nowadays, you have to be there hours before your flight, park at a restaurant bar close to your gate and have a drink or quick bite. You may even be lucky enough to meet someone who’s booked on the same flight! Whatever the case, planes and trains are full of interesting people.
Work Out Spots - the gym is full of prowlers and is almost a place where people go to find dates or hook-ups. So much so, it’s almost cringe worthy when someone slips you a line while on a treadmill or weight machine. Spring is on the way so switch the scene and jog or bike through a park. You’ll be surprised at the repeat visitors you see, so get to know them and line up a day and time to meet and run/walk or bike together.
Church - whatever your religious beliefs, your place of worship is a great place to meet people with the same interests and ideals. In may cases, churches have ministries and groups for single people that meet once or twice a week. Go to them not necessarily to find someone to date, but to socialize with like minded people. Find out where they go and what they do in their spare time. Similarities in background are always a plus!
Museum - perhaps the most underrated place to mingle. Exhibits and art showcases are always in heavy rotation. If you’re someone who’s into art, don’t procrastinate or “catch the next one.” Make a point to go on a Friday or Saturday night. Better yet, go on the opening night! That’s normally when the crowd is most abundant and fully equipped with music and wine! And it’s so okay to go solo!
Bowling Alley - corny, right? But it’s so much fun! Take a group of your girls or guys to a bowling alley! There’s bound to be a group of the opposite sex somewhere near. Order a couple drinks or a pitcher of beer and play a few games. The corny shoes and gutter balls are a great way to break the ice and join together or create teams!
Hardware Stores - strange yet true. Many people have met their significant others randomly at a Home Depot or Lowes. First, men love a women who can fix things up herself … or at least try and vise versa. Something about it leaves a lasting impression. Ladies, a quick ” would you happen to know if I need a power drill to switch out my blinds…” could lead to a “gimme a shout if you need help.” Never know.
Concert / Jazz Cafe - there’s something to be said about how music can unite kindred spirits. Live shows are an attraction for music lovers, search through your local paper to find not so obvious places where bands perform. Those quaint and tucked away places where you end up having the most fun and dancing the night away.
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February 25, 2010
February 24, 2010
AFRICA'S PRIDE...
A native of Benin City, Nigeria, Ehinomen "Hino" Ehikhamenor (aka Hollywood Hino) moved with his family to the United States as a child. In school, Ehikhamenor excelled in sports, and his natural athletic abilities would later prove to be beneficial to his successful boxing career. Ehikhamenor's professional boxing career began with an impressive string of wins, and by 2005 he had a record of 12-1. During a short break from his boxing career, Hino became involved, and was successful, in projects related to his other dreams and aspirations, including acting and modeling.
February 23, 2010
PROSTATE CANCER IN AFRICAN-AMERICANS LINKS TO GENETIC MUTATION....
MONDAY, Feb. 22 (HealthDay News) -- Researchers have identified a mutation in a small number of black American men with a family history of prostate cancer.
This germline mutation of the androgen receptor (AR) may prove to be a genetic biomarker for familial prostate cancer in the black American male population, according to the team at Louisiana State University in New Orleans.
Black American men have a higher incidence of prostate cancer than any other racial group. The small amount of research that's been done on the role that AR mutations play in prostate cancer has been limited to white men.
This study found a germline AR-A1675T substitution mutation in the DNA-binding domain in three black American men with a family history of early-onset prostate cancer. This mutation may contribute to prostate cancer by "altering the AR DNA-binding affinity and its response to androgens, non-androgenic steroids or anti-androgens," according to a news release about the study.
The study was published online this week in the Asian Journal of Andrology.
Further research is needed to learn more about the role this mutation plays in prostate cancer in black Americans, the researchers said.
More information
The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has more about prostate cancer.
This germline mutation of the androgen receptor (AR) may prove to be a genetic biomarker for familial prostate cancer in the black American male population, according to the team at Louisiana State University in New Orleans.
Black American men have a higher incidence of prostate cancer than any other racial group. The small amount of research that's been done on the role that AR mutations play in prostate cancer has been limited to white men.
This study found a germline AR-A1675T substitution mutation in the DNA-binding domain in three black American men with a family history of early-onset prostate cancer. This mutation may contribute to prostate cancer by "altering the AR DNA-binding affinity and its response to androgens, non-androgenic steroids or anti-androgens," according to a news release about the study.
The study was published online this week in the Asian Journal of Andrology.
Further research is needed to learn more about the role this mutation plays in prostate cancer in black Americans, the researchers said.
More information
The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has more about prostate cancer.
February 22, 2010
THIS YEARS WINNER OF THE RYAN CAMERON STEP OFF COMEPTITION....DAYYYUMMM
'
THEY DESERVED TO WIN...THEY WERE GETTING IT IN...
THEY DESERVED TO WIN...THEY WERE GETTING IT IN...
February 17, 2010
SORRYFOYA USHER...THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN THE PERFECT COMEBACK SONG FOR YOU....
SOUNDS A LIL LIKE USHER TOO HUNH?
MODEL CITY....DEBUTS ON THURSDAY....FINALLY...
The BET Network continues to diversify its programming with a new channel geared towards adults called Centric, which debuts this October.
Just in time for the release, BET plans to debut Model City, their answer to the fashion show craze.
Model City features African-American models from Red Model Management struggling to make it in the competitive and sometimes racist industry.
Be prepared for the madness when models Nelson, Art, Salieu, Makin, Shawn, Julian, and Ibrahim take you all on a ride of a lifetime. Experience what it’s like to be an African-American model when Model City debuts this fall on BET Centric.
HOW MANY OF THESE BOYS ARE HOWDOIN'??? TIME WILL TELL
February 16, 2010
February 15, 2010
VALENTINE'S DAY CONT.
Guard Your Heart
Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) -- Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
Our heart determines the course of our life. If we want our life to be prosperous and fulfilled then our heart must be deposited with unselfishness, love, and full of the joy of the Lord, and his loving kindness.
Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) -- Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
Our heart determines the course of our life. If we want our life to be prosperous and fulfilled then our heart must be deposited with unselfishness, love, and full of the joy of the Lord, and his loving kindness.
February 14, 2010
February 11, 2010
TERRANCE HOWARD BECOMES "HONORARY" MEMBER OF PHI BETA SIGMA....
Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc. just sent out a press release stating that they are accepting a new member.
Academy Award nominee Terrence Howard “will be bestowed Honorary Membership in Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc. on Friday, February 19, 2010 at The Ritz-Carlton Philadelphia.”
Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity's membership includes many notable members who are involved in the fields of arts and entertainment, business, civil rights, education, health, law, politics, science, and sports. The fraternity's membership roster include heads of state such as: 42nd United States President, William Jefferson "Bill" Clinton, Benjamin Nnamdi Azikiwe, Kwame Nkrumah, William Tolbert, and William V.S. Tubman; past presidents of Nigeria, the Republic of Ghana, and Liberia respectively. Other notable members include: World famous scientist,George Washington Carver, the first black Rhodes Scholar Alain LeRoy Locke, co-founder of the Black Panther Party, Huey P. Newton, organizer of the Million Man March, Benjamin Chavis Muhammad, civil rights activists, Hosea Williams, Rev. Al Sharpton, musicians The Original Temptations, Ramsey Lewis, television personality Al Roker, and professional athletes Jerry Rice and Emmitt Smith and Ryan Howard, the Philadelphia Phillies first baseman. From the ranks of the fraternity have come a number of pioneers in various fields. Member Dr. Frank Chambers was the first African-American to teach at Columbia University Dental School. Dr. Albert Roberts was the first minority to graduate with a PhD in Psychology from Emory University.
10 WAYS TO GET OVER A BREAK-UP (I NEEDED THIS YEARS AGO)
1.) Avoid the Friend Zone - when it’s over, it’s over! There is no such thing as being friends with your ex right away. In time, you can be friends but take the time you need to heal! No phone calls, no random late night sleepovers because “I miss you.” Stay strong and avoid contact for at least 90 days!
2.) Reject the Negative Stupor - If you’ve already done your crying or had your fit of anger, let it be done! On those nights when you’re feeling lonely or sad, don’t wallow in it, get up and go somewhere! Go to a restaurant and have a drink, go rent a movie, hit the gym, hook up with some friends. Whatever it is, catch yourself before falling into the abyss of sadness.
3.) Do Not Get Drunk and Dial - alcohol and a cell phone are the perfect elixir for a disaster! Getting drunk and calling your ex to ask all the questions you think you want to know the answers to “do you miss me?” or “have you been seeing anybody else?” You might not be prepared for the answer or the attitude on the other end of the phone saying, “take your drunk a*s to bed.” This is never good. Remove the numbers from your phone to avoid these kind of nights.
4.) Refrain from Random Sex - finding a “jump-off” or a void filler is nothing more than quick fix that doesn’t help you in the grand scheme of things. Furthermore, why pass the pain that you’re feeling on to someone else? Nobody wins. Take the time you need to heal, jumping into a fling immediately after a breakup is not healthy and likely ends up being a waste of time.
5.) Switch It Up - go through your house and rearrange your furniture, especially in the bedroom. Move your bed to another corner or switch up the entire layout of your living room! You can take it a step further and paint a room or two a different color. This helps refresh your attitude and enhances the desire to turn a new leaf!
6.) Refresh Your Bed - burn some incense, turn the mattress over, get rid of sheets, buy a new comforter! The bed is where your mind, body and should be at rest and it’s extremely difficult to do so when you’ve shred your bed with your ex. If you rearrange your sleep space and refresh the bed you should rest much easier.
7.) Learn the Lesson - you should always take some time and evaluate the 5 W’s: who, what, where, when, why and also how. What did you do to contribute to your relationship failing? Where was your head, in the clouds, in denial, numb? When did you finally realize it was over? Why did it end? What have you learned and how will you apply what you’ve learned to your next relationship?
8.) Do You - after a breakup it’s so east to get lost in your sadness and let yourself go. Just because you no longer have a girlfriend don’t veg on the PS2, drink heavily and fail to get your line-up. Ladies, don’t let your nails and toes suffer and develop a habit of eating ice cream in the bed every night! Go to the barber! Go to the salon! Go get your mani/pedi! Be better, not bitter!
9.) Get Over It - rid your place of all things ex! Don’t hoard personal items like his basketball shorts you like to wear or her sweater she used to wear around the house that occasionally sniff. Let it all go! If weeks have passed and he/sHe has yet to retrieve their items, toss them! Or put them in a box and tuck it away in storage.
10.) Surround Yourself with Love - there are people that love you regardless of your hardship. So don’t be too proud to reach out to them and let them know you need them. If it’s your siblings, other family members or your best friend you can never have enough support through your transition.
2.) Reject the Negative Stupor - If you’ve already done your crying or had your fit of anger, let it be done! On those nights when you’re feeling lonely or sad, don’t wallow in it, get up and go somewhere! Go to a restaurant and have a drink, go rent a movie, hit the gym, hook up with some friends. Whatever it is, catch yourself before falling into the abyss of sadness.
3.) Do Not Get Drunk and Dial - alcohol and a cell phone are the perfect elixir for a disaster! Getting drunk and calling your ex to ask all the questions you think you want to know the answers to “do you miss me?” or “have you been seeing anybody else?” You might not be prepared for the answer or the attitude on the other end of the phone saying, “take your drunk a*s to bed.” This is never good. Remove the numbers from your phone to avoid these kind of nights.
4.) Refrain from Random Sex - finding a “jump-off” or a void filler is nothing more than quick fix that doesn’t help you in the grand scheme of things. Furthermore, why pass the pain that you’re feeling on to someone else? Nobody wins. Take the time you need to heal, jumping into a fling immediately after a breakup is not healthy and likely ends up being a waste of time.
5.) Switch It Up - go through your house and rearrange your furniture, especially in the bedroom. Move your bed to another corner or switch up the entire layout of your living room! You can take it a step further and paint a room or two a different color. This helps refresh your attitude and enhances the desire to turn a new leaf!
6.) Refresh Your Bed - burn some incense, turn the mattress over, get rid of sheets, buy a new comforter! The bed is where your mind, body and should be at rest and it’s extremely difficult to do so when you’ve shred your bed with your ex. If you rearrange your sleep space and refresh the bed you should rest much easier.
7.) Learn the Lesson - you should always take some time and evaluate the 5 W’s: who, what, where, when, why and also how. What did you do to contribute to your relationship failing? Where was your head, in the clouds, in denial, numb? When did you finally realize it was over? Why did it end? What have you learned and how will you apply what you’ve learned to your next relationship?
8.) Do You - after a breakup it’s so east to get lost in your sadness and let yourself go. Just because you no longer have a girlfriend don’t veg on the PS2, drink heavily and fail to get your line-up. Ladies, don’t let your nails and toes suffer and develop a habit of eating ice cream in the bed every night! Go to the barber! Go to the salon! Go get your mani/pedi! Be better, not bitter!
9.) Get Over It - rid your place of all things ex! Don’t hoard personal items like his basketball shorts you like to wear or her sweater she used to wear around the house that occasionally sniff. Let it all go! If weeks have passed and he/sHe has yet to retrieve their items, toss them! Or put them in a box and tuck it away in storage.
10.) Surround Yourself with Love - there are people that love you regardless of your hardship. So don’t be too proud to reach out to them and let them know you need them. If it’s your siblings, other family members or your best friend you can never have enough support through your transition.
YOUR BLACK HISTORY MONTH FACT...THERE IS BLACK BLOOD IN THE ENGLISH ROYAL FAMILY...
Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz (19 May 1744 – 17 November 1818) was the queen-consort of the United Kingdom as wife of King George III.
Queen Charlotte was a patroness of the arts, known to Johann Christian Bach and Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, among others. She was also an amateur botanist who helped establish Kew Gardens. George III and Queen Charlotte had 15 children, 13 of whom survived to adulthood.
Charlotte was the youngest daughter of Duke Charles Louis Frederick of Mecklenburg-Strelitz, Prince of Mirow and his wife, Princess Elizabeth Albertine of Saxe-Hildburghausen.
She was a granddaughter of Adolf Frederick II, Duke of Mecklenburg-Strelitz by his third wife, Christiane Emilie Antonie, Princess of Schwarzburg-Sondershausen. Her father's elder half brother reigned from 1708 to 1753 as Adolf Friedrich III.
For a woman marrying the sovereign of one of the most powerful countries of the time, her descent from kings was somewhat remote. All her ancestors up to the level of great-great-great-grandparents were solidly princes, dukes and counts (or the equivalent) with no kings. While her 58 closest ancestors (rather than 62; four of her great-great-great-grandparents are counted twice) included some reigning princes, one might observe that she was of ducal and princely blood, rather than royal blood. Only two of her great-great-great-great-grandfathers were kings: Gustav I of Sweden and Frederick I of Denmark and Norway. Other royal monarchs are found in her earlier ancestry.
Charlotte's brother Adolf Friedrich IV, Duke of Mecklenburg-Strelitz (reigned 1752–94) and her widowed mother actively negotiated for a prominent marriage for the young princess. At the age of 17, Charlotte was not thought conventionally pretty; she had a wide nose and mouth, and dark hair. Nevertheless, she was selected as the bride of the young King George, although she was not his first choice. He had already flirted with several young women considered unsuitable by his mother, Princess Augusta of Saxe-Gotha, and by his political advisers. He also was rumored to have married a young Quaker woman named Hannah Lightfoot, though all later claims to prove this marriage were deemed unfounded and the purported supporting documents found to be forgeries.
Princess Charlotte was collected at Cuxhaven by a squadron of British yachts and warships under Admiral Anson (including the specially renamed HMY Royal Charlotte), but on its return the squadron was subjected to westerly gales and took ten days to reach Harwich, which it did in early September 1761. Charlotte then travelled to London, where the couple were married at the Chapel Royal in St. James's Palace, London, on 8 September of that year. Looking back at her betrothal, Charlotte reflected, "The English people did not like me much, because I was not pretty." After a carriage accident in which she broke her nose, she joked "I think I was not so ugly after that!"[3]
Her mother-in-law did not welcome her with open arms, and for some time there was a slight tension between the two. However, the king's mother had yet to accept any woman with whom he was alleged to have been involved, therefore it seems that the young king cared little for her approval by this time. Despite not having been her husband's first choice as a bride, and having been treated with a general lack of sympathy by her mother-in-law, the Dowager Princess of Wales, Charlotte's marriage was a happy one, and the king was apparently never unfaithful to her. In the course of their marriage, they had 15 children, all but two of whom (Octavius and Alfred) survived into adulthood. As time went on, she wielded considerable power within the realm, although she evidently never misused it.
HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH!
February 10, 2010
WHAT GAY MEN FEAR THE MOST....
from ABenjaminIrby.com
What's the one thing every gay man is most afraid of?
Is it getting fat? Nope. But it's a good guess. Is it dying and going to hell? Nope. Well, I guess, for the church queens, but as a whole, no. Is it "the big disease with a little name"? Nope. Yes I said "nope," you heard me. Considering the statistics and our actions as a whole, as a community we obviously aren't all that afraid of it. Not to discount it at all but our collective actions toward it do not illustrate that we are all that fearful. So what is it you ask, what strikes fear in the hearts of all gay men? Growing old and alone.
A gay man once told me that the gay life is a lonely life. So many of us in this world, gay without our permission, born into this world, feeling flawed, look at straight people and all the opportunities they have to come together and start a family and at all the encouragement society as a whole gives them as opposed to all the discouragement and abuse society gives us.
Not to mention the way we fuck each other over. He fucked you over so you fuck over the next one and that next one fucks somebody over who you end up meeting at a club and ends up fucking you over and at the end of he day it's like what the fuck? When does it all fucking end? Can two man ever just fucking be together and be happy without all the fucking bullshit?
This is the thing, we're all wounded, wounded and scared. It's hard growing up gay in this world. More than likely our parents and other relatives don't understand us or were abusive to us. We were made fun of in school, we lived double lives, etc., etc. We all have our own emotional baggage to deal with. We put up defenses and walls to shield our all too oft broken hearts from more pain. We do it to protect ourselves but in the process we push anyone else away. As a result we're snappy, we're rude, we're fierce, we're cynical, we're jaded, 'we've created a fuck or be fucked, fuck that 'cuz I'ma get mine' world for ourselves and yet the better part of us still expects to be happy. Even if someone means us well we don't believe it because we're simply not used to it.
So what are we gonna do about it? Actually, I can't tell you what to do. As I haven't done it myself yet. The question is what am I gonna do about it? The last few weeks have been really introspective for me. I've been looking inside, seeing what makes me tick, seeing why my relationships don't work. Let's have a look at my patterns:
ADAM'S RELATIONSHIP PATTERN:
This is so fucking embarrassing by the way, but I think this is a good exercise you should do for yourself in the privacy of your own home and not necessarily for the whole world to see like I have here. Remember, we can rationalize our way out of thinking that we have a problem as long as we only let it live in our heads. But once we put it on paper it's not as easy to deny. Here we go:
- Adam meets a guy.
- Adam is attracted to the guy.
- Adam does whatever he can to sleep with the guy.
- Adam sleeps with the guy and if he doesn't get to sleep with the guy he usually becomes disinterested in the guy altogether.
- Now Adam has feelings for the guy.
- Adam as usual feels a little more for the guy than the guy feels for him.
- Adam is now scared. These are the things Adam is scared of:
- Adam is scared to show too much emotion to the guy because he's afraid that he won't get it back and that will make him feel invalidated.
- Adam is scared whenever he calls or texts and does not receive a call or text back within the hour that maybe he's doing too much and the guy is over him.
- Adam has a perpetual underlying fear that the guy will just stop calling or corresponding altogether out of the blue because it's happened to him a few times in the past and it hurt... A LOT!
- Adam knows that he has done some triflin' ass shyt in the past and is always waiting for the proverbial ax to fall.
- Adam as a result of Adam's fear of being abandoned again is torn between wanting to outpour the feelings he's feeling to the guy or to be guarded and aloof (which he's really not but only is now as a result of being hurt so many times before) in an attempt to ready himself just in case this guy abandons him.
- Adam wonders why can't he ever find a guy who likes him as equally as he likes the guy.
- Adam has actually found people like that in the past but somehow to him it just doesn't seem real so he doesn't trust it or it may actually be real but if Adam is not physically and sexually attracted to the guy then it doesn't matter to him anyway.
- Adam does more and more to get the guy to like him and validate him but the guy never really gives Adam the pat on the back that he craves.
- Adam starts to get annoyed at the fact the that he goes all out of the way for the guy and he's still not getting the validation he wants. Mind you the guy never asked for all of this sacrifice from Adam.
- Adam is frustrated, at the end of his rope and ready to break things off but he doesn't want to be alone.
- Adam passively seeks out someone else to get with as insurance as he feels that him and this guy are about to be over.
- Adam snaps and breaks things off because the guy committed a minor offense against him that most people probably would have just dealt with or ignored but not Adam, he's way too hypersensitive to invalidation and is hurt by even the smallest, most insignificant slight at this point.
- Adam is alone again and moves in closer on the new guy.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat. This is my relationship cycle in black and white. Dayum I sound crazy as hell. I don't feel too bad though cuz most of y'all bitches is crazy too. I've dated some of you. Like I said I don't have an answer yet. I know that it's definitely me who needs work but then again with all my emotional baggage flung across my shoulder I could be attracting the wrong type of men as well. I will look at this and look at my current dating situation and figure out exactly where I am on the cycle and figure out the best way to break the chain because I'm so tired of going through the same shyt over and over again. And I sure as hell do not wanna end up old and alone.
Like I always say "knowing is half the battle." Now that I have admitted publicly that I don't have it all together I can take steps toward trying to put me together. Like I said before I'm wounded, so before I can be a part of a successful relationship I have to love myself enough to heal me first so I can have something to give to someone else. So cliche, but nevertheless so true.
THANKS TRE
What's the one thing every gay man is most afraid of?
Is it getting fat? Nope. But it's a good guess. Is it dying and going to hell? Nope. Well, I guess, for the church queens, but as a whole, no. Is it "the big disease with a little name"? Nope. Yes I said "nope," you heard me. Considering the statistics and our actions as a whole, as a community we obviously aren't all that afraid of it. Not to discount it at all but our collective actions toward it do not illustrate that we are all that fearful. So what is it you ask, what strikes fear in the hearts of all gay men? Growing old and alone.
A gay man once told me that the gay life is a lonely life. So many of us in this world, gay without our permission, born into this world, feeling flawed, look at straight people and all the opportunities they have to come together and start a family and at all the encouragement society as a whole gives them as opposed to all the discouragement and abuse society gives us.
Not to mention the way we fuck each other over. He fucked you over so you fuck over the next one and that next one fucks somebody over who you end up meeting at a club and ends up fucking you over and at the end of he day it's like what the fuck? When does it all fucking end? Can two man ever just fucking be together and be happy without all the fucking bullshit?
This is the thing, we're all wounded, wounded and scared. It's hard growing up gay in this world. More than likely our parents and other relatives don't understand us or were abusive to us. We were made fun of in school, we lived double lives, etc., etc. We all have our own emotional baggage to deal with. We put up defenses and walls to shield our all too oft broken hearts from more pain. We do it to protect ourselves but in the process we push anyone else away. As a result we're snappy, we're rude, we're fierce, we're cynical, we're jaded, 'we've created a fuck or be fucked, fuck that 'cuz I'ma get mine' world for ourselves and yet the better part of us still expects to be happy. Even if someone means us well we don't believe it because we're simply not used to it.
So what are we gonna do about it? Actually, I can't tell you what to do. As I haven't done it myself yet. The question is what am I gonna do about it? The last few weeks have been really introspective for me. I've been looking inside, seeing what makes me tick, seeing why my relationships don't work. Let's have a look at my patterns:
ADAM'S RELATIONSHIP PATTERN:
This is so fucking embarrassing by the way, but I think this is a good exercise you should do for yourself in the privacy of your own home and not necessarily for the whole world to see like I have here. Remember, we can rationalize our way out of thinking that we have a problem as long as we only let it live in our heads. But once we put it on paper it's not as easy to deny. Here we go:
- Adam meets a guy.
- Adam is attracted to the guy.
- Adam does whatever he can to sleep with the guy.
- Adam sleeps with the guy and if he doesn't get to sleep with the guy he usually becomes disinterested in the guy altogether.
- Now Adam has feelings for the guy.
- Adam as usual feels a little more for the guy than the guy feels for him.
- Adam is now scared. These are the things Adam is scared of:
- Adam is scared to show too much emotion to the guy because he's afraid that he won't get it back and that will make him feel invalidated.
- Adam is scared whenever he calls or texts and does not receive a call or text back within the hour that maybe he's doing too much and the guy is over him.
- Adam has a perpetual underlying fear that the guy will just stop calling or corresponding altogether out of the blue because it's happened to him a few times in the past and it hurt... A LOT!
- Adam knows that he has done some triflin' ass shyt in the past and is always waiting for the proverbial ax to fall.
- Adam as a result of Adam's fear of being abandoned again is torn between wanting to outpour the feelings he's feeling to the guy or to be guarded and aloof (which he's really not but only is now as a result of being hurt so many times before) in an attempt to ready himself just in case this guy abandons him.
- Adam wonders why can't he ever find a guy who likes him as equally as he likes the guy.
- Adam has actually found people like that in the past but somehow to him it just doesn't seem real so he doesn't trust it or it may actually be real but if Adam is not physically and sexually attracted to the guy then it doesn't matter to him anyway.
- Adam does more and more to get the guy to like him and validate him but the guy never really gives Adam the pat on the back that he craves.
- Adam starts to get annoyed at the fact the that he goes all out of the way for the guy and he's still not getting the validation he wants. Mind you the guy never asked for all of this sacrifice from Adam.
- Adam is frustrated, at the end of his rope and ready to break things off but he doesn't want to be alone.
- Adam passively seeks out someone else to get with as insurance as he feels that him and this guy are about to be over.
- Adam snaps and breaks things off because the guy committed a minor offense against him that most people probably would have just dealt with or ignored but not Adam, he's way too hypersensitive to invalidation and is hurt by even the smallest, most insignificant slight at this point.
- Adam is alone again and moves in closer on the new guy.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat. This is my relationship cycle in black and white. Dayum I sound crazy as hell. I don't feel too bad though cuz most of y'all bitches is crazy too. I've dated some of you. Like I said I don't have an answer yet. I know that it's definitely me who needs work but then again with all my emotional baggage flung across my shoulder I could be attracting the wrong type of men as well. I will look at this and look at my current dating situation and figure out exactly where I am on the cycle and figure out the best way to break the chain because I'm so tired of going through the same shyt over and over again. And I sure as hell do not wanna end up old and alone.
Like I always say "knowing is half the battle." Now that I have admitted publicly that I don't have it all together I can take steps toward trying to put me together. Like I said before I'm wounded, so before I can be a part of a successful relationship I have to love myself enough to heal me first so I can have something to give to someone else. So cliche, but nevertheless so true.
THANKS TRE
February 9, 2010
February 8, 2010
HARD TIMES PUSH MORE WOMEN TO STRIP...IN THE A...
Atlanta Business News 7:00 a.m. Sunday, February 7, 2010
By Tammy Joyner and Megan Matteucci
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
She’s stunning, even in sweats. But Leilani Burkhead’s got her work cut out for her. It’s 9 p.m. on a weeknight, time to hit the stage at Atlanta’s Magic City strip club.
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Dancer Simone Neal applies makeup before performing at the Magic City club in Atlanta. These days, “The regulars aren’t so regular,” said Neal, 27, who drives from Florida to dance here. “I have to watch my money more closely now.”
Bita Honarvar, bhonarvar@ajc.com Dancer Simone Neal applies makeup before performing at the Magic City club in Atlanta. These days, “The regulars aren’t so regular,” said Neal, 27, who drives from Florida to dance here. “I have to watch my money more closely now.”
Magic City dancer Leilani Burkhead (seated) talks to another dancer in the lounge and dressing area. Burkhead, a single mother with a day job at an orthodontist’s office, works here to pay bills including her 9-year-old son’s school tuition. “I didn’t want to dance, but you’ve got to do what you have to do,” she said. Atlanta police report a rise in applications for the $350 permits required for strippers.
Burkhead, a single mother with a day job at an orthodontist’s office, works here to pay bills including her 9-year-old son’s school tuition. “I didn’t want to dance, but you’ve got to do what you have to do,” she said. Atlanta police report a rise in applications for the $350 permits required for strippers.
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Michael "Lil Magic" Barney Jr., the manager at Magic City, says applicants come in regularly looking for work.
She slips out of her sweats and half-jokingly mumbles something about getting geared up to work the room.
It’s an about-face from a few years ago when money rained down on dancers at this and other Atlanta adult-entertainment clubs like free-flowing Dom Perignon. Like the rest of the economy, adult dance clubs feel the pinch. The sluggish economy and closer police scrutiny have put about a dozen out of business in the past decade. And the regular patrons aren’t so regular anymore.
But that hasn’t slowed the would-be dancers lining up to apply for the $350 permit to work in the city’s 19 clubs, Atlanta police say. Among the usual aspiring actresses and dancers, there are more college students, single mothers trailing toddlers, health and office professionals and even a few age-defying grandmothers — all looking for well-paid work in a city with unemployment above 10 percent.
“We have them coming in daily looking for work,” says Michael “Lil Magic” Barney Jr., the 28-year-old general manager of Magic City, a downtown Atlanta fixture founded by his father.
While there are no hard numbers, Atlanta police say they’ve seen a spike in applications for adult-entertainment permits in the past year or so due to the recession and the recent change in Georgia law that allows nude dancers to be as young as 18.
“We’re seeing younger applicants,” said Detective Kamau Chinyelu, an investigator with the Atlanta Police license and permit unit. “We’re seeing quite a few that have lost their jobs and are now making career changes.”
Those who do wind up working in the business soon learn that even nude dancers have to work harder these days, as patrons spend less and don’t return as often. The cyber-savvy dancers have turned to social media to hold customers’ interest.
And for good reason. Even in this tough economy, a dancer can clear about $50,000 a year, and that beats working in a dentist’s office or selling homes right now.
Like it or not, sex sells in Atlanta, where there are still more exotic and nude dance clubs in and around the city than anywhere else in the country, according to the Association of Club Executives, an industry trade group. Club work can be a strong draw in an economy that has shed 8 million jobs nationwide and propelled more women into the role of chief breadwinner.
“Women who may not have ever thought about working in the industry are rethinking” the idea, said Angelina Spencer, manager of the Washington, D.C.-based trade group. “Unfortunately, mortgages, car payments and groceries don’t go away in a bad economy.”
While city and development officials prefer not to talk about it publicly, Atlanta’s erotic economy has long been a major financial force in the city, helping draw conventioneers and high-rolling celebrities alike.
Spencer, a former stripper turned lobbyist who has been tracking the adult-entertainment industry for seven years, estimates metro Atlanta’s exotic and nude clubs generate $240 million annually, more than the city’s three major sports teams combined.
While economists challenge Spencer’s assessment, they do agree the adult-entertainment industry is a major economic engine in Atlanta.
“There’s no question the business is fairly substantial; whether it’s grown or shrunk I don’t know,” said Atlanta economics consultant Don Ratajczak, who analyzed the industry about a decade ago while he was director of Georgia State University’s Economic Forecasting Center. “When I did my estimates” on that industry, “we had a vibrant convention business and people winked at the adult entertainment. Since then, there’s been some crackdowns.”
Despite its enormous presence, the industry prefers to keep a low profile. A number of clubs contacted for the story — The Cheetah Lounge, Gold Rush, Onyx, Foxy Lady, Doll House and Tattletales — declined to comment or never responded. Clubs like Magic City and Cheetah have built a following over the years, and while the money doesn’t flow as freely thse days, patrons still make their way to the clubs. So do the women looking to dance.
‘Steady, easy money’
By day, they’re dental hygienists, college students, office workers. At night, they dance under stage names such as Prada, Safari and Diamond. Most are reluctant to give their real names, worried about the stigma it could bring Sunday morning at church or losing the free baby-sitting grandma provides.
“You can use the industry one of two ways — as a stepping stone or tombstone,” said trade group rep Spencer. “Usually the industry is a pass-through so women can go on to bigger and better things.”
At Magic City, Michael Barney oversees an operation that includes 150 dancers, 12 waitresses, four bartenders, three DJs, two busboys and one “house mother” who looks after dancers’ needs, as well as a security contingent to protect his dancers. He views them as family. “I’m a brother or daddy to some, and an uncle to others,” Barney said. Its a family whose members are there for different reasons.
B.K., a 25-year-old dancer at Magic City, began relying more on the club income when her job as a physical therapist was cut to one day a week six months ago. “It’s been steady. It’s easy money,” she said. “There’s a stereotype people have of dancers. That we’re prostitutes because we take our clothes off. But I go to work and go right home.”
Prada, a 21-year-old dancer at Magic City, said she plans to use the money she makes dancing to open an eyebrow and lash boutique. For Simone Neal, another Magic City dancer, club work is her ticket to becoming the first in her family to go to college. Essentially working as an independent contractor, she estimates she earns $50,000 after paying a nightly fee to the club and tips to DJs and the house mother.
“I love to dance,” said Neal, a petite 27-year-old who drives four hours from Florida to dance in Atlanta. “I thank God for everything I make.”
Then there are those like Leilani Burkhead, who is working to get out of the business. For now, the single mother is working a lot of 18-hour days: from 7:45 a.m. to 6 p.m. at an orthodontist’s office, then 8:30 p.m. to 3 a.m. at Magic City. She receives no child support, so both jobs help pay bills and her 9-year-old son’s school tuition.
“I didn’t want to dance, but you’ve got to do what you have to do,” she said.
On a recent afternoon, about a dozen women lined up at the city’s permit office in northwest Atlanta. Most would not identify themselves beyond their club names. But they were all interested in one thing: making money.
Getting into the industry is tougher these days. Would-be dancers must have a job offer from a club before they can get a permit, which involves an extensive background check. The city prohibits anyone convicted of a felony or sex-related crime from dancing, police spokesman Otis Redmond said. The tougher scrutiny has shaved the new permits granted from a decade high of 3,448 in 2007 to 2,642 last year, police say.
Money flows less freely
On a recent Thursday at the Cheetah, a dimly lit club and restaurant known for its $50 steaks, a dozen or so lunchtime patrons were on hand, including two soldiers in fatigues scheduled to ship out to Iraq that afternoon. An Atlanta Hawks player at the bar drank in the applause when patrons cheered an ESPN replay of one of his shots on the giant flat-screens hovering overhead.
With the exception of “stack nights” — when the money rolls in with little effort, as when celebrities and high rollers show up — patrons aren’t spending as much. Dancers who could once make $5,000 in a single evening say those nights are increasingly rare. The trickle-down effect hits the pockets of DJs and other support staff.
Among customers, bottles of champagne have been replaced by bottles of beer or a few drinks that are nursed all night. The city’s slower convention business has dried up the pool of out-of-towners. As for more frequent visitors?
“The regulars aren’t so regular,” said Simone Neal. “I have to watch my money more closely now. I can’t spend like I used to.”
To try to boost their appeal, some adult club dancers have embraced Facebook, Twitter and other social media, a move that appears to be paying off. The idea is that customers will stay connected and return to the club on the next business trip, Barney said. Some dancers now have international followings online.
Sometimes, though, Facebook can’t beat face time. Dancers say they are spending more time schmoozing with patrons.
During lunchtime at the Cheetah, a striking blonde spent about 30 minutes hovering at one table, chatting with a businessman about her child’s school projects before he opened his wallet for a private dance.
Nearby, a trio of lingerie-clad women swayed to rapper T-Pain’s “I’m N Luv With A Stripper.” For $10, the women will display more than just their dancing skills. With a little more financial encouragement, they’ll come to a table for conversation and a private dance.
One of the soldiers, intent on making his last few stateside hours memorable, went to the club’s ATM and withdrew $200.
The strip club economy
Clubs: U.S.: 3,829
Metro Atlanta: 19
Economic impact: U.S. $15 billion
Metro Atlanta: $240 million-plus
Employment: U.S.: 500,000
Estimated annual earnings of Atlanta dancers: $20 million
Six largest U.S. markets for strip clubs: Dallas, Houston, Atlanta, Miami-Ft. Lauderdale, Orlando, Las Vegas, Los Angeles
February 7, 2010
THIS IS WHAT YOU MISSED IF YOU WEREN'T IN MIA....SORRYFOYA
THE TWO FOOTBALLER BROTHERS LOOK SUSPECT AS HELL BUT STILL PHINE...
February 4, 2010
POWELL OVER DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL...
The ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy is really about to be a wrap! General Colin Powell, who was one of the main opponents of allowing gays to serve openly in the military back in the ’90’s, publicly addressed the policy today saying he’s changed his mind. Pop the hood to read what he has to say now.
“In the almost 17 years since the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ legislation was passed, attitudes and circumstances have changed,” the former secretary of state said in a statement. “I fully support the new approach presented to the Senate Armed Services Committee this week by Secretary of Defense (Robert) Gates and Admiral (Michael) Mullen.”
“General Powell has made clear that his position is about effectiveness in the military,” Human Rights Campaign President Joe Solmonese said. “His powerful voice for ending ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ is a tipping point in favor of the brave men and women who are serving our nation in silence.”
Referring to Sen. John McCain of Arizona and other Republicans who still support the policy, Solmonese said: “I want to ask the senators and members who are speaking out against this repeal: What do you know about military effectiveness that General Powell, Secretary Gates, Admiral Mullen and the commander in chief don’t know?
“The truth is that there are no more excuses. The death knell for ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ has been rung, and now is the moment to send this law into the history books where it belongs,” he said.
The ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Policy’ was created as a compromise in 1993 after President Bill Clinton proposed lifting the military’s ban on gays. For the last two years Powell has said that he thought the policy should be reviewed, but today’s statement is a very clear one in favor of dropping the policy that allows gays and lesbians to serve only if they stay closeted. Powell’s comments should help President Barack Obama achieve his plan to repeal the policy.
Whoa, this is a big deal for a conservative like Powell. This definitely signals progress for the gay rights movement. How difficult do you think it will be for Obama to change the policy? Will gay marriage be next?
February 3, 2010
February 2, 2010
NOWHERE NEAR "THE VOICE" BUT A NICE TRIBUITE OVERALL....
LOOK HOW HOOD MY GIRL IS WITH ALL THE THEATRICS...YOU CAN TAKE THE GIRL OUT OF JERSEY BUT YOU CANT TAKE THE JERSEY OUT OF THE GIRL....I LOVE ME SOME WHITNEY HOUSTON
NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER...I WANT SOME BABIES!!!!
Back in the days of Kingdom Come Jay Z made the statement that 30 is the new 20.
Well currently coming down that mountain and hitting 40, time may be of the essence for Jay as he's not getting any younger.
With his career at his highest peak since dropping Reasonable Doubt, the rapper seems to be contemplating the future outside of the music industry and what the next steps are to come between himself and wife Beyonce.
During an interview with Kingsize Magazine, the rapper spoke on the possibility of kids and becoming a parent.
“I'd like to be a dad some day and I love children. You start your life with expectations and dreams, then life unfolds and it doesn't always turn out the way you imagined. Life is what it is. And at this point it's up to somebody else.”
With Beyonce acknowledging her wedding ties during the awards, Jay added some words on being in a relationship and being everyday people that deal with everyday problems as a couple, no matter how much fame they may have accumulated while in the music industry.
“I don't think there is such thing as a perfect relationship. It is unrealistic and hoping for too much. I don't think it is worth all that pressure. We also have our struggles and problems.”
There's no better time than now for the two to start making strong considerations as the money continues to pile up and Beyonce has stated that she will be taking a bow from the spotlight for a little bit to rejuvenate.
A baby by Jay Z and Beyonce…could you imagine the outcome of the cross?
February 1, 2010
GREAT NEWS FOR HBCU'S...
President Obama's administration has agreed to increase funding to the nation's historically Black colleges and universities.
In the President's 2011 fiscal year budget he calls for an increase of $98 million for HBCUs nationwide.
The administration is also said to be looking to increase Pell Grants and double Perkins loans and tuition tax credits.
The call for additional funding comes amongst criticism aimed at the President for not renewing an HBCU funding program used during Geroge W. Bush's Presidency.
Education Secretary Arne Duncan has since spoken out on the President's new plan for the institutions, telling TV One's Roland Martin:
“We have great news, that, going forward, we're proposing in the budget an increase of $98 million annually for HBCUs, so that's a tremendous commitment. I said from Day One we desperately need HBCUs not just to survive, but to thrive.”
WHO'S THAT GIRL....AN AEXAMPLE OF HOW THE INDUSTRY MAKES YOU CRAZY
SHE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE THIS SWEET, INNOCENT GIRL ANYMORE...'
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