YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE NOT THAT SPECIAL....

Many people want to find that special person that will stand up above all the rest and be the one who we will be down with forever. We search like De Beers looking for that “diamond” of a person. We sift through the coal mines of life until we find the one we can hold up in the air and rejoice that we finally found. But, have you ever thought as much as you are searching for this special person. What really makes you special? This weeks guest blog from Daunte Henderson( @dauntewrites) of My Name is Daunte will discuss this notion. Daunte also has a dope introspective book out called Things I I Learned While Walking but let’s just let you get into the world of Daunte Henderson.

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My last relationship made me realize the importance of identifying my likes/dislikes early on in a relationship. I spent three years in a relationship with that little birdie on my shoulder saying “Ay dawg, she’s not right for you fam”. When you are young and dumb and seeking love this happens. It was an honest mistake that taught me a lot about relationships and myself. At times I feel like I’m on the “Flavor of Love”, cutting women who don’t fit the mold. I don’t have a checklist but I do believe in identifying what you want and what you can accept. No man or woman is perfect. When you date someone you will quickly (hopefully) realize that they aren’t the same person you met that one day. You have to ask yourself, “Can I live with this person’s imperfections?” And I don’t mean imperfections in the sense of it being a bad thing. Your imperfections perfectly make you who you are so EMBRACE them. The harsh reality is that everyone doesn’t like them and isn’t meant to live with them.
I’ll start off by saying that I would LOVE to have a significant other with the intention of it developing into something serious (i.e. wife) I’m 27 and the girlfriend title at this age isn’t what I aspire to have. I enjoy my singleness to the fullest. I believe God gave me this time to develop in him and to live out my goals. I’m taking this time to develop “me”, so that when I meet “Mrs. Henderson” I can develop “we”. Most respectable men at this age more than likely want the same thing or something similar. The gift and curse of being a respectable man is that it allows us to have options and women to-be-options. It’s sad but its reality.

I have come up with the following observations

•There are more women than men. That’s a fact. However, there are not enough RESPECTABLE men to go around for these women. Respectable for the purposes of this article would be defined as “he can meet my mother…. fuck that…he can meet my whole family”. There are a shitload of bum-ass-dudes , but women don’t want them as husbands. Bum-ass-dudes most of the time stay as cutty buddies or the nigga that buys drinks.
“There must be more good women than men percentage wise. So her chance of having a husband just minimized. That’s why a lot of girls claim they ain’t into guys. And mess with other girls part-time to improvise”-Kanye West
• Respectable people (men and women) have options. We don’t have to settle for the bums. We can get what we want. It’s not that we have a checklist and are saying to every soul “Oh no, you have a mole. … NEXXXTT”. We are merely exercising the blessing of “I’ve seen your kind before and I’m good on you”. Why put up with a Value Meal when you can eat Five-Star?
•Men have the advantage in dating. Ask any woman and she will tell you that there aren’t a surplus of good men. There are a TON of GREAT women. There are a very few GREAT men. And those GREAT men know this. That’s why wer are quick to tell you “I’m really trying to focus on (insert the words: me, my career, goals etc) and this relationship is hindering that” Besides as Biggie would say “all these girls I got to like one”. We used to chase after women but now women are actually chasing after us. Advantage:Men
What does this information mean to you as a man or woman?
Men:

Don’t feel bad when you have to tell a female that she’s not what you want. It may seem as if you have cut her shorter than a midget, but what you’ve actually done is saved her from heartbreak. Don’t continue to talk to a woman when you know that (fill in the blank with an unattractive/contrasting value) doesn’t mesh with who you are and what you want. It’s asinine to be in a relationship with somebody at this age if you don’t feel they’re worthy of being your wife. I’m definitely not saying that you can’t “have fun” and enjoy dating. But to be honest that fun isn’t the same fun anymore. Women have this thing called the biological clock. For some women it starts in their mid-20’s and for others it starts later. Women in their mid-20’s who don’t have a husband or serious relationship are prime suspects in this case of the “biological clock”. Women are primed for pregnancy, marriage and all that other stuff that scares the hell out of men at this age. They are logging on Facebook and seeing all of their sub-par looking friends with happy marriages and inside they are feeling like “oookkkkk, where is my man?????” Women at this age are classic for telling you that they don’t want anything serious. Brothers that’s false. As soon as she realizes that you are a respectable man and you like her…She’s INSTANTLY on your team. If you throw in things like great sexual chemistry, you have a lot of money or a super nice crib the chances of them being “TEAM (insert your name)” is higher.

Don’t let her clock dictate what you want. It’s so easy to cave into her wants because we want to please them, but we have to be very cautious. Caving and compromising are two different things. Caving is when you make a hasty and rash decision for fear of losing the relationship. Compromising is realizing the value of that relationship and making allowances for both parties wants and needs. Brothers, you have to assess the value of your relationship. There are too many brothers that caved and now have babymamas that they hate. I don’t want that to be you. If you have found a person that you feel is right for you, STAY WITH HER. But if you are always second-guessing and fighting inside about your feelings, LEAVE…QUICKLY.

Women:
This is going to sound really mean, but it’s a reality that can allow you to get closer to your dream guy. Ladies, you aren’t as special as you think you are. I compare you to every QUALIFIED job seeker in America. To a normal employer in this day and age, you aren’t that special. EVERYBODY has a college degree but why are you special? Translating this same principle back to dating. Why are you special to this man? I completely get it ladies and despite what you feel about my previous statement, I’m on your side. I completely get it, you cook, clean, have a job, no kids, not too crazy and you’re the business in bed. But guess what?? Some other chick(s) does the same thing that you do. Which makes you not that special. You think you are one but you are one of many in that man’s mind. For dudes it’s the same way. I realize that to some women I’m the world and to others I’m just a neighborhood. It doesn’t make me less than, it just makes me acutely aware of who I am in every situation.

A man can spend a million hours with you and do all the aforementioned things with you but you will still be relegated to bench-status if he doesn’t feel you are special. It’s not that he thinks you are wack. But in his mind if he’s going to drop everything in the world for you, you better be “special”. Don’t fret because there is some dude out there that thinks you are special and you will feel the same way about him. One way women give up their specialness is through sex. You give up so much power and mystique when you give up the drawz . It’s a reality. Think about how much you open up to a man once he has smashed. You instantly start going into your Pandora’s box when he sticks the tip in. STOP IT!!! Save yourself the heartache and time.

At this age men aren’t necessarily scared of commitment (some of us are), we just don’t want to wife the wrong person. That’s my biggest fear, wifing the wrong one and having to get divorced because I didn’t listen to my heart. Your heart is a tricky thing at times. If it’s not filled with the right things it can lead you astray. Ladies continue to seek God and let him order your love life. Fellas do the same thing. I’ve found that the people who have the most fulfilling relationships are the ones who have not only sought God but they found what they love and who they love came along. The purpose of singleness is not for you to lose hella weight so that Prince Charming can come along and swoop your skinny ass up. NO, the mission is for you to find your purpose in God’s vision. I can’t imagine you following that advice and going wrong.