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September 30, 2013
BECOME A MENTOR....
Proven results: a child who has a mentor from a program like Big Brothers Big Sisters of America is less likely to skip school, abuse alcohol and use illegal drugs. All it takes is 4 hours a month to make a lasting impact on a child’s life. Become a #mentor.
September 29, 2013
20 DIFFICULT TRUTHS ABOUT LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS....
1. Some people put up with a lot of shit in relationships and think they are proving their love and loyalty. But really, they are putting up with shit because they are addicted to the other person, afraid to be alone, or addicted to how they feel as the Saviour, “good one,” or hero/heroine. The shit-taker goes through high-highs, low-lows, confusion, starvation, self-loathing, vindication, relief, depression, and victory. If this is you, I have a message: love doesn’t feel like this.
2. Lack of self-worth from either partner will screw up your relationship, even if there’s lots of potential.
3. You can make a great life with someone who is not your soul mate.
4. The partner that cares less calls the shots.
5. The breakup sucks for your ex too, but for different reasons.
6. The next bus leaves in 5 minutes. Translation: If you’ve given it a fair shot and your partner is not the right fit for you or doesn’t treat you well, then move on. There is an abundance of love, opportunity, and partnership possibilities in this Universe ready and waiting for you. This a scientific fact. Replace your scarcity mindset with an abundance mindset and stop imprisoning yourself in a mismatched (or abusive, or luke-warm, or dysfunctional) relationship. Let go of the banana, Magilla.
7. Loving someone, but not being IN LOVE with them, is a real thing.
8. You can love someone even if you don’t love yourself. It’s not recommended, and it will make for a problematic and arduous relationship, but the statement: ‘You can’t love someone until you love yourself’ is a lie.
9. ‘No one can make you happy except yourself’ is another lie. OF COURSE people can make you happy. They can make you immensely fulfilled, profoundly directed, ignited, and inspired – sometimes more than you could for yourself. Why are we afraid to admit that? Is it because we are addicted to being self-sufficient? I don’t suggest being vampirically co-dependent on others for your sense of personal happiness and security – but hell yes – other people can make you happy…deeply and deliriously so. LET THEM.
10. You can have more than one soul mate in your lifetime.
11. I have coached people through (and been in relationships where) infidelity, sex addiction, money problems, possessiveness, jealousy, anger issues, lack of sex drive, and sucky communication skills were killing the relationship, but were not the deal breakers. Most things can be worked through. The deal breaker was the offending partner’s refusal to get help. This looks like stalling, making excuses, admitting/crying/doing nothing (see #14), blaming you.
12. The highest level of attraction will occur when you meet someone who closely matches the composite sketch of your primary caretakers (mom and dad). This visceral attraction filter lies in your subconscious. Consciously we want to be happy, subconsciously we want to be healed. It’s called imago matching and accounts for most ‘soul mate’ relationships. Imago matches can be deeply healing, or, if you don’t know you’re in an imago match – devastatingly painful.
13. It is not necessary to hate your ex in order to move on. It is okay to have an affectionate gratitude for the time you spent together, and it is possible to have healthy boundaries while in this state. Elizabeth Gilbert gives some fine advice here.
14. Don’t be placated by a partner who is a good admitter/apologizer. No one gets a parade for admitting their shit and saying sorry. Credit is given to partners who take action and change their behavior.
15. Sometimes the only purpose of a marriage is to bring some amazing, sweet kids into this world. If you and your ex can compose co-parenting vows to replace your marriage vows, you can create “one family living in two homes” – which is what my ex and I did. Our kids are happy, well-adjusted and secure, 8 years post-divorce.
16. Do not attempt to marry someone while you are still in love with another.
17. Gramma said, “Spend 4 seasons with someone before you claim to know them, and certainly save marriage talk until after a year.” I broke this rule a few times. Sorry gramma….(you were right!)
18. Understanding masculine/feminine energy (and the role you want to embody) is essential to having a successful, connected, and sexually dynamic relationship. This book by Dr. Pat Allen is an excellent resource.
19. A period of time spent alone will be the best gift you can give to yourself. If you resist medicating yourself with alco-, worko-, or Bravo Channel-holism, you will learn to trust yourself deeper, hear the voice of your inner guide clearer, and in the absence of another person telling you how beautiful/smart/clever you are, will learn to generate this for yourself. Your future and your healthy relationship will thank you.
20. Let go when you’re hurting too much. Give up when love isn’t enough. Move on when your gut tells you to. Remember that you have been given this one gorgeous, sparkling, comet-of-a-life and you are free and entitled to choose how to spend it. Don’t wait around for a permission slip, better timing, or a better financial situation… Go for it now.
- See more at: http://blissbombed.com/20-difficult-truths-about-love-relationships-from-a-life-coach/#sthash.Ib7YHVSv.dpuf
2. Lack of self-worth from either partner will screw up your relationship, even if there’s lots of potential.
3. You can make a great life with someone who is not your soul mate.
4. The partner that cares less calls the shots.
5. The breakup sucks for your ex too, but for different reasons.
6. The next bus leaves in 5 minutes. Translation: If you’ve given it a fair shot and your partner is not the right fit for you or doesn’t treat you well, then move on. There is an abundance of love, opportunity, and partnership possibilities in this Universe ready and waiting for you. This a scientific fact. Replace your scarcity mindset with an abundance mindset and stop imprisoning yourself in a mismatched (or abusive, or luke-warm, or dysfunctional) relationship. Let go of the banana, Magilla.
7. Loving someone, but not being IN LOVE with them, is a real thing.
8. You can love someone even if you don’t love yourself. It’s not recommended, and it will make for a problematic and arduous relationship, but the statement: ‘You can’t love someone until you love yourself’ is a lie.
9. ‘No one can make you happy except yourself’ is another lie. OF COURSE people can make you happy. They can make you immensely fulfilled, profoundly directed, ignited, and inspired – sometimes more than you could for yourself. Why are we afraid to admit that? Is it because we are addicted to being self-sufficient? I don’t suggest being vampirically co-dependent on others for your sense of personal happiness and security – but hell yes – other people can make you happy…deeply and deliriously so. LET THEM.
10. You can have more than one soul mate in your lifetime.
11. I have coached people through (and been in relationships where) infidelity, sex addiction, money problems, possessiveness, jealousy, anger issues, lack of sex drive, and sucky communication skills were killing the relationship, but were not the deal breakers. Most things can be worked through. The deal breaker was the offending partner’s refusal to get help. This looks like stalling, making excuses, admitting/crying/doing nothing (see #14), blaming you.
12. The highest level of attraction will occur when you meet someone who closely matches the composite sketch of your primary caretakers (mom and dad). This visceral attraction filter lies in your subconscious. Consciously we want to be happy, subconsciously we want to be healed. It’s called imago matching and accounts for most ‘soul mate’ relationships. Imago matches can be deeply healing, or, if you don’t know you’re in an imago match – devastatingly painful.
13. It is not necessary to hate your ex in order to move on. It is okay to have an affectionate gratitude for the time you spent together, and it is possible to have healthy boundaries while in this state. Elizabeth Gilbert gives some fine advice here.
14. Don’t be placated by a partner who is a good admitter/apologizer. No one gets a parade for admitting their shit and saying sorry. Credit is given to partners who take action and change their behavior.
15. Sometimes the only purpose of a marriage is to bring some amazing, sweet kids into this world. If you and your ex can compose co-parenting vows to replace your marriage vows, you can create “one family living in two homes” – which is what my ex and I did. Our kids are happy, well-adjusted and secure, 8 years post-divorce.
16. Do not attempt to marry someone while you are still in love with another.
17. Gramma said, “Spend 4 seasons with someone before you claim to know them, and certainly save marriage talk until after a year.” I broke this rule a few times. Sorry gramma….(you were right!)
18. Understanding masculine/feminine energy (and the role you want to embody) is essential to having a successful, connected, and sexually dynamic relationship. This book by Dr. Pat Allen is an excellent resource.
19. A period of time spent alone will be the best gift you can give to yourself. If you resist medicating yourself with alco-, worko-, or Bravo Channel-holism, you will learn to trust yourself deeper, hear the voice of your inner guide clearer, and in the absence of another person telling you how beautiful/smart/clever you are, will learn to generate this for yourself. Your future and your healthy relationship will thank you.
20. Let go when you’re hurting too much. Give up when love isn’t enough. Move on when your gut tells you to. Remember that you have been given this one gorgeous, sparkling, comet-of-a-life and you are free and entitled to choose how to spend it. Don’t wait around for a permission slip, better timing, or a better financial situation… Go for it now.
- See more at: http://blissbombed.com/20-difficult-truths-about-love-relationships-from-a-life-coach/#sthash.Ib7YHVSv.dpuf
WHAT HE SAID.....REV. RUN
HE SAW HER, FELL IN LOVE....He said...."Saw her, wanted to change nothing....except her last name!"
MISS SOUTH SUDAN 2013.....
Isn't she lovely Isn't she wonderful Isn't she precious Less than one minute old I never thought through love we'd be Making one as lovely as she But isn't she lovely made from love
September 26, 2013
DAILY INSPIRATIONAL VITAMIN....SOMETHING FOR EVERYBODY
Watch Your Mouth! Stop Attacking People with Your Words!
Scripture for today:
Psalm 19:14 King James Version (KJV)-Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.
Prayer for Today:
Lord, It’s me standing in the need of prayer, I am asking that you cover my mouth from , Negativity , Gossip, Cursing , Hate , Malice and deception! Lord, do something new within me, Start with my mouth Today Lord! In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
Scripture for today:
Psalm 19:14 King James Version (KJV)-Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.
Prayer for Today:
Lord, It’s me standing in the need of prayer, I am asking that you cover my mouth from , Negativity , Gossip, Cursing , Hate , Malice and deception! Lord, do something new within me, Start with my mouth Today Lord! In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
September 25, 2013
September 24, 2013
September 23, 2013
September 22, 2013
KARMA....GET INTO THE LYRICS
I am, the one you denied
Brushed off every time I tried, but I'm alright
I'm able to swallow my pride and put all the bullshit to the side
If you ready to ride, I'm down for a one night stand
I'll accept it any way that I can, cause I ain't your man
I'll try for whatever it's worth Just remember who played who first
Yeah, yeah
Brushed off every time I tried, but I'm alright
I'm able to swallow my pride and put all the bullshit to the side
If you ready to ride, I'm down for a one night stand
I'll accept it any way that I can, cause I ain't your man
I'll try for whatever it's worth Just remember who played who first
Yeah, yeah
September 19, 2013
DO AS I DO! NOT AS I SAY...
As a parent do you insist that your kids watch their mouths?
But do you curse in front of them while you're telling them that?
As a parent do you tell your kids to share?
Then cut everyone off everyone trying to share the street with you while you drive?
As a parent do you tell your children what god to believe in?
But then never speak of that god and never take them to church?
As a parent do you insist that they do the best job possible at school and in sports?
But then complain at the dinner table that you just "give up" at work?
As a parent do you want the best for your kids?
But then show them in your actions that you're okay with just getting by? As parents we shouldn't feel like we're on candid camera or that big brother is watching. But guess who is watching? Baby Boy and Baby Girl? They're watching and they're determining what they should do themselves in each and every one of the above situations and so many more. Not based on what you say, but rather WHAT YOU DO
http://www.makesmewannaholler.com/2010/07/do-as-i-do-not-as-i-say.html
But do you curse in front of them while you're telling them that?
As a parent do you tell your kids to share?
Then cut everyone off everyone trying to share the street with you while you drive?
As a parent do you tell your children what god to believe in?
But then never speak of that god and never take them to church?
As a parent do you insist that they do the best job possible at school and in sports?
But then complain at the dinner table that you just "give up" at work?
As a parent do you want the best for your kids?
But then show them in your actions that you're okay with just getting by? As parents we shouldn't feel like we're on candid camera or that big brother is watching. But guess who is watching? Baby Boy and Baby Girl? They're watching and they're determining what they should do themselves in each and every one of the above situations and so many more. Not based on what you say, but rather WHAT YOU DO
http://www.makesmewannaholler.com/2010/07/do-as-i-do-not-as-i-say.html
WORDS OF WISDOM.....
Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.
September 18, 2013
September 17, 2013
7 WAYS TO RESTORE YOURSELF IN 2013.....
Know your value - know what you add to this life, your friends, your family, your community, your job and refuse to be undervalued by those who WILL try to convince you that you aren't special.
Trust and use your power - when opportunity strikes, don't spend a single second doubting your ability to rise to the occasion. Stand up, speak up and use all that you have to step into what is yours. If you don't, rest assured someone else will. Don't be on the sidelines knowing you could've done better what you should've been doing in the first place.
Love a little more - patience, forgiveness, reassurance...speak words that bear fruit and don't tear down, refuse to stoop to lower levels when you feel yourself being pulled down, resist temptation when you know you and/or someone around you will be hurt, resist the desire to defend and fight, instead seek concessions, be the peacemaker, see the other point of view - even if it is wrong and speak truth, calmly and assertively.
Surround yourself with people who make you better - this may require you to seek out folks who are better than you. [UPDATE: and separate yourself from others]. I hope your ego will allow for this to happen.
Talk less, listen more - this shouldn't need any explanation, but revisit "Love a little more" for a refresher.
Play - if you have any children in your life, watch them for pointers. Set your imagination free, find hobbies that allow your mind to soar: cooking, reading, working, traveling, chasing down that passion on the side (Note to men: if you have a family the bills MUST be paid first and the food MUST be on the table before you begin chasing dreams).
Write down your goals - how do you expect to succeed if you don't have a plan? You don't have to physically write them down if that's not what you do but there's no way you're going to stay on task if you don't have any. And an unorganized mind makes for a disorganized life.
*The bonus point - if you count yourself as a believer, pray and praise with all your heart mind and soul. Pray when things are bad and pray when things are good. Invite God into your life and do this FIRST. And all else will follow.
Trust and use your power - when opportunity strikes, don't spend a single second doubting your ability to rise to the occasion. Stand up, speak up and use all that you have to step into what is yours. If you don't, rest assured someone else will. Don't be on the sidelines knowing you could've done better what you should've been doing in the first place.
Love a little more - patience, forgiveness, reassurance...speak words that bear fruit and don't tear down, refuse to stoop to lower levels when you feel yourself being pulled down, resist temptation when you know you and/or someone around you will be hurt, resist the desire to defend and fight, instead seek concessions, be the peacemaker, see the other point of view - even if it is wrong and speak truth, calmly and assertively.
Surround yourself with people who make you better - this may require you to seek out folks who are better than you. [UPDATE: and separate yourself from others]. I hope your ego will allow for this to happen.
Talk less, listen more - this shouldn't need any explanation, but revisit "Love a little more" for a refresher.
Play - if you have any children in your life, watch them for pointers. Set your imagination free, find hobbies that allow your mind to soar: cooking, reading, working, traveling, chasing down that passion on the side (Note to men: if you have a family the bills MUST be paid first and the food MUST be on the table before you begin chasing dreams).
Write down your goals - how do you expect to succeed if you don't have a plan? You don't have to physically write them down if that's not what you do but there's no way you're going to stay on task if you don't have any. And an unorganized mind makes for a disorganized life.
*The bonus point - if you count yourself as a believer, pray and praise with all your heart mind and soul. Pray when things are bad and pray when things are good. Invite God into your life and do this FIRST. And all else will follow.
WANT TO GET MARRIED? GET A DEGREE (AND A JOB)
Across the board, college-educated people had lower divorce rates than people with less education. Ms. Stevenson suggests that might be because college educated couples go into marriage with a different set of expectations.
“They’re less likely to approach their marriages as sources of financial stability and they’re more likely to approach them as a source of personal fulfillment,” she says.
http://www.clutchmagonline.com/2012/07/wanna-get-married-get-a-degree-and-a-job/
“They’re less likely to approach their marriages as sources of financial stability and they’re more likely to approach them as a source of personal fulfillment,” she says.
http://www.clutchmagonline.com/2012/07/wanna-get-married-get-a-degree-and-a-job/
September 16, 2013
MARRIAGE ADVISE ON HOW TO STAY MARRIED.....
1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.
4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love.
5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.
6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.
7) NEVER BLAME your wife If you get frustrated or angry, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.
8) Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.
9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel loved.
11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.
12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.
13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.
14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered.)
15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fear and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.
16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, and part of that courage is allowing her to love your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.
17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is for a relationship that isn’t focused on growing. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.
18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. Forgiveness is freedom. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.
20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.
4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love.
5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.
6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.
7) NEVER BLAME your wife If you get frustrated or angry, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.
8) Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.
9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel loved.
11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.
12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.
13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.
14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered.)
15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fear and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.
16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, and part of that courage is allowing her to love your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.
17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is for a relationship that isn’t focused on growing. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.
18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. Forgiveness is freedom. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.
20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
September 15, 2013
Life Lesson #83.....
Business is ALWAYS personal. For people who don't understand that, you will often feel under appreciated and upset by what happens in business.
September 12, 2013
10 TYPES OF GUYS BLACK WOMEN HAVE DATED......MORE ACCURATE
1. The God
At 35 he has two degrees, a six-figure income, no kids and a mortgage. And yes, he's straight. On paper, he sounds ideal. How is he single? Because in person he's a nightmare. He's convinced himself that his presence is a present, and he reminds you of that (and his "accomplishments") at every opportunity.
2. The 'Single' Husband
Of course you didn't know he was married, or you never would have given him your number. But he conveniently left out that tidbit of info when he approached at happy hour. You're on the phone with him one late evening and hear a woman's voice in the background. "Who's that?" you ask. "Oh, that's just my wife," he says casually, as if he's explaining that the dog was barking. "Is that a problem for you?" he inquires. You don't understand what type of relationship he and his wife have, but the point is they have one, and you are out. Click.
3. The Conspiracy Theorist
Everything boils down to someone trying to keep a brother, well, down. A fictitious TV heroine dating a white guy? The white man devaluing black love. He gets cut off in traffic? The white man trying to make him late for work. Valentine's Day? Another way the white man gets the black man to spend money to keep a brother broke.
4. The Brother Who Doesn't Really Like Black People
If you published the transcript to any of his rants on what's wrong with black people, it would read like the minutes from a KKK meeting. According to him, the sum of black culture is baby daddies, piss-poor morality, consumerism and fried chicken. In defense of black people you mention jazz music, red-velvet cake and Jesus, who had hair like lamb's wool. You remind this brother that he is actually black. He promptly lists all his nonblack ancestors to distance himself from the race
5. The Drunk He doesn't think he has a drinking problem because he consumes top-shelf booze from a crystal tumbler. This is supposed to separate him from the college student drinking mystery punch from a red cup. But it doesn't matter how or what he drinks if he gets frat-boy wasted all the same. With a few pours in his system, this otherwise mild-mannered and emotionally conservative man is prone to instigating a fight at the club or doing his best Drake impression from "Marvin's Room" and calling you to talk about his feelings. Of course, he remembers none of it the next day.
6. Mr. Disappearing Act
He was near perfect, like "The God" type but without the God complex. He shows a steady interest by calling and spending time. He has great conversation. After a few months of dating, you tell him, "I really like you." The next day, he drops off the face of the earth. You call and leave a message. You text. You email. No response. One day, after months of radio silence, he hits you to say, "Hey, what's up?" as if he just spoke to you yesterday.
7. The Creative
He is filled with the sound of music. It's charming to meet someone who hasn't been sucked dry of artistic passion by the rigors of being an adult. But then you realize he sings All. The. Time. Or he's given to annoying interludes when he can't be bothered to engage with you (or the outside world) because his inner muse is speaking to him. You throw in the towel when you hear the album he's been neglecting you to work on and you realize you hate his music.
8. Mr. (No) Personality
Like the rest of us, he's addicted to social media. You notice this friend of a friend RTed in your Twitter feed or commenting on Facebook updates because Mr. Personality has an endless supply of wit and appropriate snark. You're excited to meet him in person at a housewarming, but when you finally do, he can barely look you in the eye to say hello. He spends most of the evening sitting alone ... on his phone.
9. Mr. Intentional
He means to do the right thing but just has uncommonly bad luck. Every story begins with, "See, what had happened was ... " He's got an excuse for everything, from why he "forgot" his wallet on your first date and why he got "let go" from his job to why he's always -- always! -- late.
10. The Misogynist
He's heterosexual and enjoys sex with women, but he doesn't really like or respect any except his grandmother, who raised him. He's constantly complaining about the shortcomings of all "females" -- who are emotional and deceitful (based on the ex who broke his still-broken heart) -- and describes any woman with an opinion as "bitter" or "angry."
At 35 he has two degrees, a six-figure income, no kids and a mortgage. And yes, he's straight. On paper, he sounds ideal. How is he single? Because in person he's a nightmare. He's convinced himself that his presence is a present, and he reminds you of that (and his "accomplishments") at every opportunity.
2. The 'Single' Husband
Of course you didn't know he was married, or you never would have given him your number. But he conveniently left out that tidbit of info when he approached at happy hour. You're on the phone with him one late evening and hear a woman's voice in the background. "Who's that?" you ask. "Oh, that's just my wife," he says casually, as if he's explaining that the dog was barking. "Is that a problem for you?" he inquires. You don't understand what type of relationship he and his wife have, but the point is they have one, and you are out. Click.
3. The Conspiracy Theorist
Everything boils down to someone trying to keep a brother, well, down. A fictitious TV heroine dating a white guy? The white man devaluing black love. He gets cut off in traffic? The white man trying to make him late for work. Valentine's Day? Another way the white man gets the black man to spend money to keep a brother broke.
4. The Brother Who Doesn't Really Like Black People
If you published the transcript to any of his rants on what's wrong with black people, it would read like the minutes from a KKK meeting. According to him, the sum of black culture is baby daddies, piss-poor morality, consumerism and fried chicken. In defense of black people you mention jazz music, red-velvet cake and Jesus, who had hair like lamb's wool. You remind this brother that he is actually black. He promptly lists all his nonblack ancestors to distance himself from the race
5. The Drunk He doesn't think he has a drinking problem because he consumes top-shelf booze from a crystal tumbler. This is supposed to separate him from the college student drinking mystery punch from a red cup. But it doesn't matter how or what he drinks if he gets frat-boy wasted all the same. With a few pours in his system, this otherwise mild-mannered and emotionally conservative man is prone to instigating a fight at the club or doing his best Drake impression from "Marvin's Room" and calling you to talk about his feelings. Of course, he remembers none of it the next day.
6. Mr. Disappearing Act
He was near perfect, like "The God" type but without the God complex. He shows a steady interest by calling and spending time. He has great conversation. After a few months of dating, you tell him, "I really like you." The next day, he drops off the face of the earth. You call and leave a message. You text. You email. No response. One day, after months of radio silence, he hits you to say, "Hey, what's up?" as if he just spoke to you yesterday.
7. The Creative
He is filled with the sound of music. It's charming to meet someone who hasn't been sucked dry of artistic passion by the rigors of being an adult. But then you realize he sings All. The. Time. Or he's given to annoying interludes when he can't be bothered to engage with you (or the outside world) because his inner muse is speaking to him. You throw in the towel when you hear the album he's been neglecting you to work on and you realize you hate his music.
8. Mr. (No) Personality
Like the rest of us, he's addicted to social media. You notice this friend of a friend RTed in your Twitter feed or commenting on Facebook updates because Mr. Personality has an endless supply of wit and appropriate snark. You're excited to meet him in person at a housewarming, but when you finally do, he can barely look you in the eye to say hello. He spends most of the evening sitting alone ... on his phone.
9. Mr. Intentional
He means to do the right thing but just has uncommonly bad luck. Every story begins with, "See, what had happened was ... " He's got an excuse for everything, from why he "forgot" his wallet on your first date and why he got "let go" from his job to why he's always -- always! -- late.
10. The Misogynist
He's heterosexual and enjoys sex with women, but he doesn't really like or respect any except his grandmother, who raised him. He's constantly complaining about the shortcomings of all "females" -- who are emotional and deceitful (based on the ex who broke his still-broken heart) -- and describes any woman with an opinion as "bitter" or "angry."
5 WOMEN EVERY MAN HAS DATED....(NOT SURE HOW ACCURATE THIS ONE IS)
1. The Stealth Church Bomber-Everything between you two is going great. You sincerely laugh at her jokes, your boys like the idea of her, she’s great at making tea, and you have surprisingly efficient sex.
Well, you thought everything was going great…until she hits you with the stealth church bomb.
“I like you and all, but I can’t continue this relationship if we don’t establish a relationship with God and start going to church.”
“Wait, what?” you think to yourself, as your mind races back to the sex you two had in a Banana Republic dressing room seven minutes ago. “Where is this coming from? Since when are you a Christian?”
You even glance at your phone to check every email and text message from her to see if she ever even hinted at the words “Church” or “Christ” in any of your correspondence. Maybe she said something before, but you just didn’t notice.
Nope.
You don’t actually say any of this aloud, though, because you’re also a Christian, you’d also like to reestablish a relationship with God, and you ultimately realize her ultimatum is a good one. But, you just don’t appreciate having the God bomb dropped on you by someone whose only references to our savior in the time you’ve known them was when her legs were wrapped around your neck.
2. The Delta-You first suspect something is a little off when you notice her iPhone background image is a baby elephant. A very cute baby elephant, but an elephant nonetheless. Another silent alarm goes off the first time you enter her apartment as she asks you to take a seat on her elephant-shaped futon, which is directly adjacent to a coffee table prominently displaying three original prints of Babar the Elephant. Sitting on that table is a glass of water. After lifting it, you see that the glass features an elephant driving a pink Cadillac. You appreciate the kitsch. While in her bed later that night, the silent alarm turns into a red flag after she pauses during fellatio, gets up, walks to her bedroom dresser, and carefully turns around each of the dozen or so tiny elephant figurines facing the bed. As she gets back into bed, she explains: “They can’t watch what’s about to happen.”
(Honorable Mention: The AKA)
3. The Ceaseless Selfie Shooter-At first glance, she seems normal. Sure, perhaps you thought she looked like she spends a bit too much time at Macy’s MAC counter, but you’re evolved enough to judge women on the content on their characters, not the colors of their awkwardly long eyelashes. So, you get her number. And, when you see she’s requesting a Facebook add, you accept. Even if it doesn’t work out, you can never have too many Facebook friends, right? Moments after you’ve accepted her add, you see that she just uploaded a new profile picture, featuring her smiling face while she’s standing next to a refrigerator. “Cool” you think to yourself. “She must be happy about her new fridge.” An hour later, she uploads another new profile picture, featuring her smiling face while she’s sitting on an off-white futon. “Hmm” you think to yourself. “I guess she went on a shopping spree last weekend.” 15 minutes later, she uploads another new profile picture, featuring her smiling face while she’s standing in front of an immaculate toilet. “Damn” you think to yourself. “Is she just photoshopping her face in front random household appliances? Is this a new fetish? Kinky! I likes!” After this happens four more times in the next hour, you realize you’re dating a ceaseless selfie shooter. Since she looks exactly the same in each of the 27 profile pics she uploaded today, you’re not sure if she’s creating a piece of performance art or is just a raging narcissist, but you do know you’ll have to block her because 50% of your total newsfeed is comprised of her standing in front of shower curtains and empty doghouses.
4. Ms “All Of My Friends Are Already Dating White Guys, And I’m Probably Next”-It’s very hard to pinpoint any characteristics distinguishing these women from others. They look, sound, smell, and taste just like any other Black women you’ll meet. But, there’s just something about them that lets you know you’re likely the last brotha standing between them and something new. And, by “something new” I mean “someone named Philip.” You even tell her during the first date that you assumed she had a White boyfriend. When she asks “Why?” you shrug your shoulders and shove some calamari in your mouth. She’s a Kobe fan and you have a soul, so you both know it’s not going to work out. But while you don’t have a problem with her—or anyone!—dating and marrying “out,” you also don’t want to go down in her history as the last Black man she ever dated. (Why? Well, there might be a list somewhere that names the last Black guy each of the Black women married to White men dated. If it exists, I don’t want to be on it.) So, you stay with her until she gets frustrated and cheats on you with an Asian woman. Not the best outcome, but at least you won’t be on the list.
5. The Manic Pixie Black Girl-You’re drawn to her because she’s not like the women you usually date. She smokes weed everyday, has deep conversations with squirrels, dresses like a genie, and has inspired you to appreciate colors and shit in a way you never did before. You’re even turned on by her cute little shoplifting habit. Basically, she’s the character Lisa Bonet plays in every movie. But, the manic pixie dream-ness starts getting old the third or fourth time she yells at you for being “angry at her couch,” and her complete disdain for rules, order, and consistent hygiene will have you yearning to be back at the Thai-centric brunches with your Bougie Black soulmates. That’s it for me, but I’m sure you all can do better. People of VSB, which women (and men) also need to be on this list?
2. The Delta-You first suspect something is a little off when you notice her iPhone background image is a baby elephant. A very cute baby elephant, but an elephant nonetheless. Another silent alarm goes off the first time you enter her apartment as she asks you to take a seat on her elephant-shaped futon, which is directly adjacent to a coffee table prominently displaying three original prints of Babar the Elephant. Sitting on that table is a glass of water. After lifting it, you see that the glass features an elephant driving a pink Cadillac. You appreciate the kitsch. While in her bed later that night, the silent alarm turns into a red flag after she pauses during fellatio, gets up, walks to her bedroom dresser, and carefully turns around each of the dozen or so tiny elephant figurines facing the bed. As she gets back into bed, she explains: “They can’t watch what’s about to happen.”
(Honorable Mention: The AKA)
3. The Ceaseless Selfie Shooter-At first glance, she seems normal. Sure, perhaps you thought she looked like she spends a bit too much time at Macy’s MAC counter, but you’re evolved enough to judge women on the content on their characters, not the colors of their awkwardly long eyelashes. So, you get her number. And, when you see she’s requesting a Facebook add, you accept. Even if it doesn’t work out, you can never have too many Facebook friends, right? Moments after you’ve accepted her add, you see that she just uploaded a new profile picture, featuring her smiling face while she’s standing next to a refrigerator. “Cool” you think to yourself. “She must be happy about her new fridge.” An hour later, she uploads another new profile picture, featuring her smiling face while she’s sitting on an off-white futon. “Hmm” you think to yourself. “I guess she went on a shopping spree last weekend.” 15 minutes later, she uploads another new profile picture, featuring her smiling face while she’s standing in front of an immaculate toilet. “Damn” you think to yourself. “Is she just photoshopping her face in front random household appliances? Is this a new fetish? Kinky! I likes!” After this happens four more times in the next hour, you realize you’re dating a ceaseless selfie shooter. Since she looks exactly the same in each of the 27 profile pics she uploaded today, you’re not sure if she’s creating a piece of performance art or is just a raging narcissist, but you do know you’ll have to block her because 50% of your total newsfeed is comprised of her standing in front of shower curtains and empty doghouses.
4. Ms “All Of My Friends Are Already Dating White Guys, And I’m Probably Next”-It’s very hard to pinpoint any characteristics distinguishing these women from others. They look, sound, smell, and taste just like any other Black women you’ll meet. But, there’s just something about them that lets you know you’re likely the last brotha standing between them and something new. And, by “something new” I mean “someone named Philip.” You even tell her during the first date that you assumed she had a White boyfriend. When she asks “Why?” you shrug your shoulders and shove some calamari in your mouth. She’s a Kobe fan and you have a soul, so you both know it’s not going to work out. But while you don’t have a problem with her—or anyone!—dating and marrying “out,” you also don’t want to go down in her history as the last Black man she ever dated. (Why? Well, there might be a list somewhere that names the last Black guy each of the Black women married to White men dated. If it exists, I don’t want to be on it.) So, you stay with her until she gets frustrated and cheats on you with an Asian woman. Not the best outcome, but at least you won’t be on the list.
5. The Manic Pixie Black Girl-You’re drawn to her because she’s not like the women you usually date. She smokes weed everyday, has deep conversations with squirrels, dresses like a genie, and has inspired you to appreciate colors and shit in a way you never did before. You’re even turned on by her cute little shoplifting habit. Basically, she’s the character Lisa Bonet plays in every movie. But, the manic pixie dream-ness starts getting old the third or fourth time she yells at you for being “angry at her couch,” and her complete disdain for rules, order, and consistent hygiene will have you yearning to be back at the Thai-centric brunches with your Bougie Black soulmates. That’s it for me, but I’m sure you all can do better. People of VSB, which women (and men) also need to be on this list?
September 11, 2013
September 10, 2013
September 8, 2013
YOU ARE IMPORTANT....
“You may never have proof of your importance but you are more important than you think. There are always those who couldn’t do without you. The rub is that you don’t always know who.”
— Robert Fulghum
CUDDLING ONE ON ONE.....
"...the best way to cuddle with me. Ass-naked with your head on my chest and a leg thrown across my torso."
Read more: http://blu-bloggington.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2013-06-21T07:23:00-07:00&max-results=7&start=63&by-date=false#ixzz2eJHvOcX3
Read more: http://blu-bloggington.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2013-06-21T07:23:00-07:00&max-results=7&start=63&by-date=false#ixzz2eJHvOcX3
September 7, 2013
NO TRUER WORDS EVER SAID....
Make everyone as happy as you possibly can, even if it means leaving them alone.
September 5, 2013
TRUE INSPIRATION....
"Live without pretending, love without depending, listen without defending, speak without offending." - Raven
Read more: http://blu-bloggington.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2013-07-02T21:37:00-07:00&max-results=7&start=49&by-date=false#ixzz2e3SrQwzY
Read more: http://blu-bloggington.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2013-07-02T21:37:00-07:00&max-results=7&start=49&by-date=false#ixzz2e3SrQwzY
WHAT SHE SAID...VIOLA DAVIS....PREACH
“I had to defend myself as an artist, but I found myself defending myself as a dark-skinned Black woman in front of people who did not know my life. I took my wig off because I no longer wanted to apologize for who I am…”
September 3, 2013
LIFE LESSON #77....
YOLO (You Only Live Once) is an incorrect statement. You LIVE every day. You only DIE once. So stop being stupid.
THANKS M.R.
THANKS M.R.
FOR THE OTHER WOMAN.....
Females, lets be clear....and REAL....a man isn't cheating with you because you are so good at being the other woman....he's cheating with you because you aren't good enough to be THE woman.
I laugh at women that brag about being the "go to" woman when the man gets bored at home, you try to put down a submissive woman for being who God designed her to be. Learn what submission really means.
A submissive woman is far from weak, because a true submissive woman knows how to carry the load for him and her both without him even having to know it. She knows how to speak to his spirit; not his lusts. She knows how to push him to his dreams instead of pulling him to destruction. She knows how to pray with him and not play with him. She knows how to be quiet even when her flesh wants to speak. She knows the value of his hard work; not just his dollar.
A submissive woman is his "LIFETIME" but you are just a "GOOD TIME"...and that's all you will ever be. He knows that he can throw a few dollars & material possessions your way & that's all you will ever expect.
The other woman makes it easy for a man, the submissive woman makes it easy for herself by making him EARN; not buy her.
You are the O.T.H.E.R. woman...an Overplayed Toy He Eventually Releases!!! I know a few!
I laugh at women that brag about being the "go to" woman when the man gets bored at home, you try to put down a submissive woman for being who God designed her to be. Learn what submission really means.
A submissive woman is far from weak, because a true submissive woman knows how to carry the load for him and her both without him even having to know it. She knows how to speak to his spirit; not his lusts. She knows how to push him to his dreams instead of pulling him to destruction. She knows how to pray with him and not play with him. She knows how to be quiet even when her flesh wants to speak. She knows the value of his hard work; not just his dollar.
A submissive woman is his "LIFETIME" but you are just a "GOOD TIME"...and that's all you will ever be. He knows that he can throw a few dollars & material possessions your way & that's all you will ever expect.
The other woman makes it easy for a man, the submissive woman makes it easy for herself by making him EARN; not buy her.
You are the O.T.H.E.R. woman...an Overplayed Toy He Eventually Releases!!! I know a few!
September 2, 2013
DEFINED...HOMIE, LOVER, FRIEND
Somebody that is your Homegirl/Homeboy, that you kick it with, have sex with, and trust.
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